


Ruins

by jessfangirl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, F/M, M/M, Not Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Compliant, Self Harm, Slytherin Albus Severus Potter, Slytherin Scorpius Malfoy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-20 07:13:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14889986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessfangirl/pseuds/jessfangirl
Summary: Albus and Scorpius have been dating for about three months now. James and Ava have been dating for three years. When Ava and James get into a fight and break up, Albus and Scorpius are sure that they'll be back together before Christmas Break. Even if they don't, it surely won't affect their relationship... right? When Ava decides to get revenge on James by sleeping with his brother, however, things go downhill fast.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.  
> Please heed the warnings! This story contains female on male rape as well as self harm. If either of these are triggering to you, please do not read. I will post warnings before the chapters that have these in them, but be cautious.

The first snowfall of the season landed on Hogsmeade, white fluff drifting down to the ground. It was early this year but greatly appreciated as students, already excited for their trip, engaged in snowball fights nearby and ordered hot cocoa from The Hog’s Head or the Three Broomsticks. Others had escaped into shops for warmth, much to the delight of the shop owners who had a sudden influx of customers.

Albus originally planned on retreating into the Three Broomsticks when the snow had started but it had quickly packed up with students, so he had avoided it, instead sitting on a bench near Honeydukes and munching on a sugar quill. Not far from him, Dominique was engaged in a snowball fight with some of her friends, and Albus was forced to keep an eye out for it in order to know when to dodge balls of frigid snow.

“Hey.”

The voice came from directly behind him, close enough that he could feel warm breath on his ear. He jumped and turned his head quickly, coming face to face with a grinning, blonde-haired teenager. His grey eyes were bright and there was a smudge of chocolate by his lips.

“Scorpius, you scared me!” Albus exclaimed, reaching back and shoving the boy slightly.

Scorpius just grinned wider and moved onto the bench so he was sitting beside him, throwing an arm around Albus’ shoulders. Albus unconsciously leaned into him, smiling despite himself.

“Sorry, Albie. It was just too much fun to resist,” Scorpius exclaimed cheerfully. He shoved a box at Albus, “I got you a chocolate frog from Honeydukes. I was going to get more, but it was too crowded.”

He wrinkled his nose up at the name, but took the frog anyway.

“Thanks. You’ve got a little something on your face, by the way,” Albus said, gesturing to the chocolate that stained his pale skin, “Already ate one without me, I see.”

Scorpius grinned, “You know me. I can’t hold myself back from chocolate. It’s a flaw of mine,” he said dramatically, “Don’t blame me for not being strong enough to hold myself back from the chocolate’s temptation.”

“Oh, shut up,” Albus said with a light laugh, leaning closer into Scorpius. He reached up, gently wiping the chocolate off of the boy’s face. His green eyes connected with Scorpius’ eyes, and he found himself lost in them, “There,” he said softly, “Much better.”

Scorpius had such beautiful eyes. They were grey, with flecks of blue, and made Albus feel as if he was looking into a cloudy sky. They were always so wide and happy, able to find Albus in a crowd so quickly. When he was angry, they would get so dark, as if that cloudy sky had broken out into a storm. Albus had only witnessed it a few times. Scorpius was not an angry person. He was generally rather cheerful, which was something that Albus loved about him.

He found himself leaning in more as he stared into the boy’s eyes, and Scorpius did the same, until their lips connected in a soft kiss.

It didn’t last long, despite how much Albus wish it did. A commotion down the street had Albus pulling away to see what was going on, part of him worried that it would be a reporter that would send pictures of their kiss to the papers.

Luckily, it was not a reporter, and instead it was James, Albus’ brother, and his girlfriend, Ava Myers. Ava had stormed out of Zonko’s with James right on her tail. She was yelling and shouting and James was silent, but the glare on his face made it clear that he was angry.

“Uh oh,” Scorpius muttered, eyebrows furrowed, “Are they fighting again?”

“Seems so,” Albus let out a sigh, frowning at the display. This would be the third major blow-up since the year started, and they hadn’t even reached Christmas Break yet.

Ava was still shouting. Now out of the shop (which Albus had a sneaking suspicion that they had been kicked out of, probably for their fight), she had whirled around on James, “How DARE you? I can shop wherever I want to shop, James!”

James took a step back in surprise when she turned on him but stood his ground, “They’re the enemy! You promised me that you would only shop at Uncle George’s shop!”

Albus shook his head at his brother’s words. James had always been very loyal to Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes, refusing to shop at Zonko’s due to them being the competition. He had even gotten a job at Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes over the summer. It seemed like catching Ava shopping at Zonko’s had made him a bit upset.

He could understand why James was a bit upset, but also why Ava found the whole thing ridiculous.

“That’s it!” Ava shouted. She threw her hands in the air and glared hard at him, “We’re done, James Potter!”

“Merlin,” Scorpius whispered beside him. He turned to Albus with a small smirk on his face, “Rose owes me ten galleons. I bet that they would break up again before Christmas Break.”

The fight was absolutely ridiculous, and breaking up over it even more so. Yet, they had broken up over less serious things in the past. They had been off and on for three years now. There was no doubt in his mind that this break up wouldn’t last long.

“Mm, I bet you ten galleons they will be back together before Christmas Break,” Albus challenged, watching as Ava stormed away from a silent James, whose anger had melted away into heartbreak.

Scorpius hummed for a moment, in thought, before nodding, “You’re on.”

Albus turned his attention away from the scene as Freddie and Roxanne made their way over to James to comfort him, as they had so often since Ava and James had started to date. He glanced over at his boyfriend and grinned at the sight of his boyfriend. Snow clung to his hair and his cheeks were flushed with the cold.

He leaned in and kissed Scorpius again. James and Ava weren’t his problem. He would talk to James later about it, as he always did, and reassure his brother that Ava did not hate him, but he would not let their drama affect his relationship. He and Scorpius were happy, and in that moment, Albus could not think of anything that could ruin that.


	2. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Ava are over... but that isn't Albus' problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings for this chapter, save for some language at the end.

Christmas break came and James and Ava were still separated. James spent the entire break moping, closing himself off in his room and snapping at anyone who tried to talk to him. Albus had tried to get him to open up several times but after James pushed him out of the room and locked his door, he stopped and instead sent detailed letters to Scorpius about the situation.

He had never seen James so torn up over getting into a fight with Ava and he couldn’t understand why this one had affected him so much.

Scorpius responded to his letters diligently. They corresponded daily, with Albus having a new letter from him at breakfast every morning. He was pretty sure his father was beginning to suspect their relationship but as Albus was not ready to tell him yet, he said nothing.

Things changed on the morning before they headed back to Hogwarts.

He woke up late to Lily banging on his door, “Albus! Albus! You have thirty minutes before we have to leave so you better hurry!”

His eyes snapped open in surprise and he scrambled out of bed quickly, “What!?” He exclaimed loudly, “Why did no one wake me up?”

Lily was no longer at the door, though. Instead, he could dimly hear her banging on James’ door.

He snatched some clothes out of his trunk, which was luckily already packed, and threw on a pair of dark blue jeans and a green hoodie. He quickly brushed his teeth in the bathroom and then grabbed his trunk, heaving it downstairs.

“Mum!” he called, “Can you shrink my trunk for me?”

Ginny came around the corner with a mirthful look on her face. She took one look at him and shook her head, “Sweetie, your hair is a mess. Did you even try to comb it?”

Albus scowled lightly and half-heartedly mushed his hair down, “I didn’t have time. I was in a hurry.”

“Accio comb,” Ginny muttered, and Albus moved out of the way as a black comb flew through the air. He sighed but didn’t protest as Ginny ran the comb through his hair, trying to get it to lay down, “You are just like your father.”

“Gin, if he’s just like me, then you should just give up now,” Harry entered the room with a laugh. He took his wand out and quickly shrunk Albus’ trunk down to the size of a quarter. He picked it up and handed it to Albus, who pocketed it. It was a nifty little idea that Uncle George had told Harry several years passed, making it much easier to travel. Albus knew the spell that would make it go back to normal once he got to Hogwarts and could use magic.

Ginny groaned lightly as she through her hands in the air, “You’re right. This doesn’t work and I don’t have time to go get some gel. Hurry up and grab something to eat, Albie. Oh, and you have a letter from Scorpius on the table.”

Albus perked up at the mention of the letter from Scorpius, quickly making his way into the kitchen. James and Lily were at the table eating pancakes. Lily was humming lightly as she ate, reading the Daily Prophet. James, for once, did not look miserable, which would have caught Albus’ attention if he wasn’t busy opening the letter.

_Dear Albus,_

_Don’t bother replying to the letter since I will see you in a few hours on the Hogwarts Express. Are you as glad to go back to Hogwarts as I am? Christmas Break was so boring. Father promised that he would take us to the States to visit Mum’s cousins but he ended up getting caught up at work. I think I told you that already. I can never remember what I’ve said to you. I sent so many letters._

_Nevertheless, I missed you. I can’t wait to see you at Kings Cross!_

_Don’t worry about your brother, Al. You know they’ll be back together soon. Head Boy and Head Girl can’t go too long without talking to each other, especially at the beginning of the semester. They’ll have to talk on the Express, even, and once they start talking, they’ll make up. They always do._

_Alright, I know this letter is short, but I need to finish packing. I’ll talk to you soon!_

_Love,_

_Scorpius_

Albus couldn’t help the goofy smile that appeared on his face as he read “Love, Scorpius”.

“What are you grinning at?” James smirked at him, “Did Scorpius admit his undying love for you?”

He blushed hard at James’ words and quickly folded the letter, stuffing it in his pocket, “Oh, shut up, James.”

Lily glanced up from the newspaper and shoved a plate of pancakes at him, “Hurry up and eat. We have…” she trailed off, checking the time, “six minutes.”

Merlin. Lily was nothing if not punctual. He took a seat beside her and quickly began eating, before he realized, with startling realization, that James was… happy. He was smiling and joking around, something that had been absent from his character all week.

“What’s got you so chipper?” he asked his brother between bites, “Is it…”

James shoved his last bite of pancakes in his mouth and shook his head, speaking around the food, “Nope. I just finally came to a realization that we’re not going to work. We fight too much. I don’t want to date someone that I can’t get along with. I’m going to move on.”

Albus hummed in thought at those words as Lily shrieked in disgust at the sight of him speaking with food in his mouth. She stood up quickly, “Hurry up and eat. I’ll be in the living room.”

Placing her plate in the sink, where it was magically cleaned and levitated into the cabinet, she left the room. James swallowed his food and then grinned at Albus, “Works every time.”

Albus shook his head and finished his food silently, deep in thought. This was a different stance that James had taken than he had previously. Normally, he was begging Ava to come back. Now, however, it really seemed like he was really done.

He hoped that Ava wouldn’t get too mad at that. Despite the fact that she had been the one to break up with him, she was always the one who decided that they needed to get back together. James always agreed, but now it looked like that wasn’t going to happen.

* * *

 

“Albus!”

Albus grinned widely at the sound of Scorpius’ voice. He had been walking through the Express, looking for the blonde, but it seems as if Scorpius had found him first.

He turned around and faced the boy, quickly finding himself pulled into a kiss. It was short-lived, as someone nearby whistled and they quickly pulled apart, blushing. There was a nearby empty compartment so Albus grabbed Scorpius’ hand and dragged him there, away from prying eyes.

“I missed you,” Albus murmured as the compartment door slid closed. He kissed Scorpius again, a smile on his face, “The break was so boring.”

Scorpius nodded in agreement, “I thought it would never end. This summer we’re going to have to convince our parents to let us hang out some.”

Albus smiled wearily at that. Their parents were barely civil to each other, but neither was willing to let their son go to the other’s house. They had tried, several times, to convince them that it would be fine, but their parent’s would not budge. Both said that the other boy could come to their house, but neither were willing to send their child to the enemy’s territory.

It was safety concerns, they both said. Neither trusted the other.

“They’ll have to give in eventually,” Albus said with a light shrug. As Scorpius took a seat, he followed, leaning into him.

They were quiet for a moment, but it wasn’t an awkward quiet, but instead comforting. He closed his eyes for a moment, almost able to fall asleep in the stillness of the compartment, in his boyfriend’s arms. It was peaceful. He was warm and smelled of peppermint. Scorpius’ arm was wrapped around him and the soft voices that barely reached their compartment meant nothing to him.

Until it did.

Shouting had erupted from down the hall. Albus recognized Ava’s voice.

Scorpius stood up quickly and Albus sighed at the loss of warmth, but he stood up as well, peering out of the compartment. He could see James and Ava nearby, arguing yet again. James seemed to be in the corner, with Ava leaning over him, brown eyes shining in anger.

“What the fuck, James?” she demanded fiercely, “We’re soulmates! You can’t just say that we’re not!”

Scorpius gave a low whistle, glancing at Albus, “She doesn’t seem happy.”

Albus glanced at him and nodded in agreement, a grim look on his face, remembering what James had said that morning. Looks like Ava was taking it hard.

“Ava, it’s done. I don’t want to get back together,” James said. His voice was calm and quiet. He looked almost nervous, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? _Sorry_?” the girl sputtered in disbelief, “I thought you loved me!”

James didn’t respond this time. He averted his eyes, looking down the hall to avoid looking at her. He caught sight of Albus and Scorpius standing there and the brother’s connected their gaze for a moment. His stomach squirmed. Why was he watching this?

He grabbed Scorpius’ hand, pulling him back into the compartment, “Let’s not eavesdrop,” he murmured quietly.

Scorpius hummed in agreement and the two sat back down in silence. They could still hear Ava screaming down the hall so Scorpius began to talk in an attempt to ignore it, “So I was a little confused on the Ancient Runes homework. I need your expertise.”

Albus rolled his eyes lightly and gave his boyfriend a weak grin, “I’m not an expert at Ancient Runes. I’m in the same boat as you.”

“Oh, don’t lie. You’re guaranteed an O on the OWL’s in them. Professor McNeely has called you his best student. I’m pretty sure you could translate anything.”

He blushed at the praise, “Not everything,” he muttered, cheeks red, “I’ve only been studying for two years.”

Scorpius just laughed, “Can you help me or not?”

A grin spread across Albus’ face, “Let me see it. What are you having trouble with?”

Scorpius pulled his trunk out of his pocket and enlarged it, having learned the spell from Albus in their third year. He quickly rummaged through it, pulling out the Ancient Runes textbook and the worksheet that Professor McNeely had sent home with them, gesturing to a few of the last runes, “What are these?”

Before Albus could answer, loud footsteps came storming down the hall, accompanied by sobbing.

“Ava! Ava, wait up!” Dominique’s unmistakable voice came running past, following the sobbing.

Good. Dominique would be able to comfort Ava, Albus was sure. Undoubtedly, Freddie and Roxanne were already with James. This didn’t have to be Albus’ problem.

It was probably a good thing that Ava and James were over. They had been a source of drama for all of Hogwarts since they got together.

Scorpius was frowning at the door. He licked his lips nervously, “Hopefully they’re mature enough to not let this impact their duties as Head Boy and Head Girl.”

“I’m sure they won’t, Mr. Prefect” Albus said reassuringly, a small, teasing smirk on his face, “Now, let’s look at these runes.”

There was a sinking feeling in his stomach as he dived into explaining the homework. Something in the back of his mind told him that this was not over… that it was just beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! Next chapter is when things start to pick up. This chapter was necessary for setting things up for the next chapter. I'd love to hear what you guys are thinking about it so far!


	3. Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus wasn't sure what Ava wanted, until he was... and nothing he did or said made her stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: This chapter contains female on male rape/non-con. If this is triggering to you and you would like to skip it, please stop reading once Albus and Ava get to her room.

Albus and Scorpius took every single class together… except one. Going into third year, Scorpius has insisted on taking Divination instead of Care of Magical Creatures. At the time, it had been a source of major conflict for the two, but that was long passed and Albus had accepted the fact that he had Care of Magical Creatures alone.

Well, he wasn’t really alone. Rose was in that class with him.

“Can you believe the amount of homework Richardson is giving us?” Rose complained as the two walked back to the castle from Hagrid’s class, “I mean, it’s Potions! Why do we need to write a two foot essay on the properties of the ingredients? As long as we put them all together, who cares what they do? It’s just more work.”

Albus shrugged lightly, bag slung over his shoulder, “It’s safety reasons, and it’s also to help us understand how they work so we can make our own potions in the future.”

Rose wrinkled her nose in disgust at that idea, shaking her head, “I’m not going to become a Potions Master, so that’s stupid. I hate that class. Everyone always comes to me for help instead of going to Richardson because they hate him… as if I know what he’s talking about! They only do it because my mom is The Hermione Granger-Weasley.”

A hum of acknowledgement left his lips, but he couldn’t relate. No one came to him for help with Potions, even though that was one of his best classes. After all, neither Harry Potter nor Ginny Weasley were ever good at potions. There wasn’t a reputation that made people think that Albus would be good at it. He just was, and no one realized it.

That was just how he liked it, though. The more people who ignored him, the better. He did not want to be like James, whose drama was everyone’s to see.

Rose sighed and bit her lip for a moment, turning to him, “So how are you and Scorpius?”

The mention of Scorpius had him perking up, “We’re good,” he said, “Really good. I’m actually about to go meet up with him in the library to work on homework. You can join if you want.”

She hummed lightly, “I might, but you two better not start getting gross. I’d rather study without seeing you two making out or something. Merlin, I’m glad James and Ava broke up. They were disgusting.”

“Oh, like you and your girlfriend don’t do the same,” Albus smirked at his cousin, “But don’t worry. Study time is study time, not kissing time.”

“Glad to see that we’re on the same page,” Rose said with a nod, “I had to stop studying with James because of him and Ava. Can Olivia come with me?”

Albus raised an eyebrow at her and copied her earlier words, “You two better not start getting gross.”

“Shut up,” Rose giggled and pushed him playfully, before frowning suddenly, gaze off towards the castle, “Now really shut up. Ava is heading this way.”

He looked over quickly to see what she was talking about and, sure enough, Ava was walking towards them. Her eyes were red and her brown hair, normally pulled back into a tight ponytail, was down and tangled. Her blue and silver scarf was clumsily put on, looking as if it was about to fall off at any moment. She looked like a mess.

“Hey, Ava,” Albus greeted as she walked over, “How are you doing?”

She shrugged lightly and glanced around nervously, “Uh, Albus, can I talk to you?” she asked quietly, gaze drifting to Rose, “Privately?”

He frowned at that, sending a befuddled look to Rose, before saying, “Uh, yeah, sure. Rose, can you let Scorpius know that I’ll be a little late?”

“Yeah, sure,” Rose said with a nod, looking a bit concerned. She didn’t say anything else, though, and simply walked off towards the library, leaving Albus and Ava alone.

Once Rose was gone, Albus turned back to the distraught girl, “What did you want to talk about?”

She bit her lip, glancing around some more, before saying, “Follow me.”

Perplexed, Albus followed the girl as she led them into the castle, away from the library. The farther they walked, the less nervous Ava seemed to be as she took several deep breaths, calming herself down. Albus didn’t ask what was going on, though he really wanted to know. He had known Ava for three years now. She was like a sister to him. He trusted her.

He realized, with climbing confusion, that they were heading to the Head Boy and Head Girl’s rooms.

“Uh,” he started to speak, eyebrows furrowed.

“I just want to talk without people hearing us,” Ava said simply, reaching the Head Girl’s dorm and opening the door, “I hate how everyone knows what’s going on. It’s like I have no privacy.”

Albus could understand that, he supposed, but he was still confused. He followed her into the room anyway.

Ava locked the door behind her.

His eyes flickered to the door and back to the girl. Something didn’t feel right. He awkwardly sat down on her bed, “Okay… what did you want to talk about?”

She didn’t answer for a moment. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, before turning to him. It was almost as if she had finally gotten the nerve to talk to him, which he found… odd. The nervousness was gone completely now, replaced with what looked like determination.

“Is everything okay?” he asked her, concerned.

She walked over, sitting down next to him on the bed, “Yeah. Or, it will be,” she said softly, before taking another deep breath, “I was talking to Dominique. I was really angry at James and she was helping me out, giving me tips and stuff.”

“Um, okay,” Albus responded, “And what did she say.”

There was suddenly a hand on his thigh. Why was there a hand on his thigh? His green eyes darted down in confusion and he pulled his leg away slowly, unsure.

Ava continued as if nothing happened. She moved closer to him and reached into his robes carefully, extracting his wand. He stared, unsure as to what was going on. He went to grab his wand but she pulled it away from him, just out of his reach, “She said to make him jealous.”

He licked his lips. The hand was back on his thigh, stronger now, not letting him move, “A-and how are you going to that?”

He didn’t know what was going on. Panic was beginning to creep under his skin.

“Well, what’s a better way to make him jealous than sleeping with his brother?” Ava said, a smirk on her face. Her eyes were wide as she leaned closer into him.

Her words sunk in and he pulled away, heart beginning to beat furiously in his chest, “Whoa, no, no, no,” he shook his head quickly, “Absolutely not. Ava, no. I have a boyfriend… and you’re James’ ex.”

“Come on, Albie,” she said, voice soft but stern, “This is a brilliant idea. Just help me with this.”

Her grip was strong on his thigh but he was able to pull her hand off, immediately standing up, “I need to leave.”

He started walking to the door, but her fingers wrapped around his wrist, pulling him back. He pulled on the grip, but before he could react, she pushed him up against the wall, pinning both of his arms above his head and leaning over him.

“A-Ava,” he spoke, voice shaking despite how much he tried to make his words sound like he wasn’t terrified, “Stop. Let m-me go.”

Ava frowned lightly at him, and then suddenly she was kissing him. He recoiled away, turning his head quickly to break the kiss. He pulled at his arms desperately, panicking. He let a sigh of relief as she let go of one of his arms, but it quickly left as she grabbed his chin, forcing his head straight to kiss him again.

He pushed at her with his free arm, but the grip on his wrists tightened painfully, causing him to hiss softly, “Ava, _please_ ,” he mumbled into the forced kiss, growing desperate for it to stop. He was with Scorpius. He didn’t want to cheat on him. He didn’t want to do this.

She pulled away and Albus breathed a sigh of relief, hoping that maybe she had come back to herself and would _stop._

“Relax, Albie,” she whispered into his ear, keeping him pinned against the wall, and he hoped that meant she was about to stop, “I know you’re gay. I thought about that beforehand, and I got you a little potion to help.”

His heart fell. He pushed harder against her, “Ava, please don’t do this. I don’t want this. _I don’t like you like this.”_

Her hand pulled away from his chin and she pulled her wand out of her robe.

“No. No, no, no, no,” he repeated, panic growing as he pushed her away with as much strength as he could muster. She was expecting it. Moving quicker than he could, she pulled him away from the wall and waved her wand wordlessly. Whatever spell she had used hit him before he could react and his body jerked violently, thrust down onto the bed. His wrists snapped above his head painfully as ropes wrapped around them, tying his wrists to the headboard. His ankles were pulled towards the footboard, and he couldn’t move. He pulled on the bonds frantically, to no avail.

“Ava, what are you doing? You can’t do this. This isn’t going to make James want you!” he said quickly, panic laced in his voice, “Please let me go. I’m with Scorpius. I can’t cheat on Scorpius. Stop!”

She was climbing on top of him suddenly, straddling his hips and leaning down to whisper into his ear, “Shh, Albie. I won’t tell Scorpius if you don’t.”

“Don’t call me that,” Albus snapped.

He didn’t care about whether or not Scorpius knows, but rather that he doesn’t want to do it. He thrashed in the bonds, but it did nothing. There was magic in the ropes and he can’t fight against it.

He watched, eyes wide and terrified, as she reached over onto the bedside table and pulled out a vial. She unscrewed it and then leaned down, pressing the cool metal against his lips, “Drink.”

He kept his lips closed, refusing. He didn’t know what was in that vial but he was not about to drink it.

She sighed in disappointment and then squeezed his nose shut, preventing him from breathing if he didn’t open his mouth. He tried to hold his breath. He really did. He felt his lungs begging for air, burning. It felt like forever, but he was sure it wasn’t longer than a minute before he opened his mouth, gasping for air, and foul-tasting liquid was forced down his throat, causing him to choke. It slid down his throat like a snake and he knew that whatever it was had taken effect immediately.

He felt hot. His entire body felt like he was burning up. Blood rushed downwards and his face blushed red. His eyes were wet now, shame blossoming through him. No, he wasn’t enjoying this. He couldn’t.

He still felt guilty as Ava giggled above him, her hands trailing down his torso, pulling his robes open undoing his slacks. He could feel her hands wrap around his unwillingly-stiff member. It sent shards of forced pleasure throughout his body, and he cried out in surprise.

He kept yanking at the bonds but it was useless. All it did was make his wrists and ankles bright red with irritation.

“Please,” he whispered now, voice quiet and pleading, “Please stop.”

He could see a bit of a wavering in her eyes as he looked up, but she didn’t stop, “You don’t understand, Albie,” she whispered, free hand stroking his cheek as she touched him in ways that not even Scorpius had done yet, causing him to grunt and struggle more in his bonds, “I need this. Your brother needs to understand what he did. You’ll understand later.”

He shook his head, but there was a sinking realization encompassing him that he wasn’t getting out of this. Tears had begun to leak out of his eyes, streaming down his cheeks. His struggles gradually disappeared. He closed his eyes, trying to block it out, trying to think of something else. He tried to think of his homework, and the upcoming OWLs, and Scorpius.

Her hands and her mouth continued to reach into his thoughts though. They were impossible to ignore. Whatever potion she had forced him to drink had made him so turned on, his body incredibly sensitive, drawing involuntary moans from his lips and proliferating the guilt and mortification that he felt. Any time he tried to think of something different, his body would jerk at her touch, reminding him what was going on.

He tried a different tactic. He tried to think of Scorpius, to pretend that Scorpius was the one doing this, but his wrists and ankles, bound and stinging with pain, perverted that thought, and only made him feel seek.

He tried to think of anything except for the fact that the first person to give him a blow job was Ava, his brother’s long-term girlfriend, and not his boyfriend. He tried to think of anything except for the fact that she was on top of him now, and his member was rubbing against her…

“No,” he moaned out, opening his eyes to look at her, pleading as tears streamed down his cheeks, “Please. Not this.”

She reached down with one hand, covering his mouth to prevent him from speaking. Her eyes closed. She couldn’t look at him.

His back arched and a gasp left his lips as she came down on him, robbing him of his virginity.

His head slammed into the pillow behind him and he closed his eyes tightly, mouth open in both pleasure and distress. He kept repeating, over and over again in his mind, that he didn’t enjoy this. It wasn’t him. It was the potion. He couldn’t control it.

It did nothing to stop the horrible feeling of humiliation and compunction that plagued him.

He tried to ignore how good it felt, how much his body ached for it, how his member throbbed. He gasped and groaned, fingers gripping at the sheets under him. He thought of Scorpius, of how he had promised his boyfriend that they would wait until after Hogwarts to have sex (after Scorpius ran into some students having sex in the broom closet and expressing his embarrassment if they were ever caught like that). He’d promised. When they started dating, there was the unspoken promise not to have sex with anyone else. That’s what happened when you started dating… and now, he’d broken it. He’d broken that promise.

Even if he wasn’t with Scorpius, Albus didn’t want this.

(His body said otherwise.)

It’s just the potion. It’s just the potion. It’s just the potion.

He repeated that over and over again in his mind, trying to reassure himself. He felt young and vulnerable and at that moment, he really wanted his mum and dad.

Much to his relief (and dismay), she drew his orgasm out of him quickly. He was just barely able to shout his warning for her to _get off,_ before it hit. His mind went white with pleasure for a few short moments and he leaned back, body relaxing as all his thoughts left.

Then it all came rushing back to him.

Ava had gotten off of him in time, luckily. She was leaning over him now, mouth wrapping around his member and cleaning him off. His hips bucked at the feeling, overly sensitive from his orgasm.

“See?” she pulled off of him, grinning at him lazily, despite the fact that Albus could see a slight shimmer of uncertainty in her eyes, “I knew you would like it, Albie. Was that so bad?”

Her hands were running down his torso. He breathed hard, closed his eyes, and simply whispered, “Is it over?”

There’s a beat of silence. He didn’t open his eyes, didn’t see Ava biting her lip, and just listened desperately for an answer. His tears were gone now. His cheeks were still wet but he just laid there, defeated, numb.

Then suddenly the ropes disappeared. Slowly, hesitantly, he moved his arms, worried that Ava would grab him again, but she doesn’t. He opened his eyes, but didn’t look at her, instead quietly adjusting himself, fixing his pants and robes and slipping off of the bed.

She didn’t say anything as he left. Everything felt distant, as if he is submerged in water. Everything felt muffled. It hurt to move but he left Ava’s room silently, staring straight ahead of him, eyes dull. Distantly, he thought about how Scorpius was still at the library, waiting for him, but he couldn’t find it in himself to approach his boyfriend at the moment.

His feet led him to the Slytherin Common Room. Ava doesn’t go after him. He entered the room, thankful that it is mostly empty, and made a beeline for his dorm. He climbed silently into his bed, slamming the curtains closed around it, and pulled his pillow to his chest, willing sleep to take him away.

Of course, life just didn’t seem to want to give him what he wanted that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was really hard to write. I considered for a while just skipping the scene entirely but it wouldn't work if I did that. There were too many things that I needed to include in the scene that would have been difficult to include in flashbacks and stuff. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed. The next chapter will be when we finally get into Albus' reaction to this, and how it is affecting Albus and Scorpius' relationship. Let me know what you think!


	4. Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus suffers from the aftermath of what happened to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mentions of Rape/Non-Con as well as Self Harm.

He did eventually fall asleep, though he wasn’t sure when. The night blended together. He dimly remembered hearing Scorpius’ soft, concerned voice calling his name, and a bit of light that filtered in when Scorpius opened his curtain to check on him, but Albus pretended to be asleep and Scorpius left him alone.

He woke up to the feeling of someone touching him. His eyes flew open and he gasped, jerking away from the touch.

_“Relax, Albie.”_

Her voice echoed in his mind, taunting him. He could feel her hands on him, sliding down his body. The ropes held him down and he couldn’t move and she was on him and _that blasted potion was sliding down his throat, forcing pleasure and-_

He leaned over the bed, emptying the contents of his stomach. Dimly, he heard one of his roommates shout in disgust. There was a hand on his back now, rubbing it gently, but it made his skin squirm.

“Hey, hey, let it out,” Scorpius’ voice was in his ear now. It was soft and concerned. He closed his eyes, heart sinking.

Scorpius muttered a soft spell that Albus barely heard, but he knew that he had banished the sick that was all over the ground now. He took several deep breaths, trying to keep calm, but the feeling of Scorpius’ hands on him made him want to get sick again.

“I should have known you were sick when you didn’t come to the library. Rose was freaking out,” Scorpius’ voice was light and kind and just so… normal and he had no idea what had happened, “Do you want to go to the Hospital Wing?”

He shook his head silently, unable to form words. He wasn’t sick, but it was better for Scorpius to think that he was than for him to know what happened.

Scorpius hummed lightly, “Alright. Go back to sleep. I’ll let your professors know you’re sick and I’ll come back and check on you between classes. Okay? I’ll leave some water by the table and bring you some crackers soon.”

Richard, one of their roommates, shouted from the bathroom, “Alright, Mother Hen. He gets it.”

“I’m fine, Scor,” Albus rasped out. His voice was hoarse, probably from crying, but it helped convince Scorpius that he was actually sick.

He huffed lightly in disbelief, “Sure, Al.”

Albus just nodded slowly and slowly leaned back on the bed, pulling his knees to his chest and burying his face in his pillow, hoping that Scorpius would take the hint.

He did.

Scorpius pressed a kiss into Albus’ hair, and Albus tried not to flinch away, and then he pulled away, closing the curtains around Albus’ bed. The relief that Albus felt when Scorpius left made him feel even guiltier than before. He didn’t want to feel relief that his boyfriend was gone. Scorpius had always been his source of comfort.

He waited until he heard all of his roommates leave for breakfast before slipping out of his bed. He was still wearing his robes from the day before and they felt soiled and dirty. He snatched some clean clothes from his trunk and went to the bathroom, stripping the blasted clothes off. He leaned over the sink, fingers gripping the sides of it as he breathed hard, feeling sick again. He couldn’t stop feeling her hands on him.

He looked down at his wrists. They were red and chafed from the ropes. Finger-shaped bruises stained the pale skin of his forearms, taunting him. He closed his eyes, unable to look at them, but the nausea persisted until he stumbled over to the toilet, throwing up again. He hadn’t eaten dinner the night before, so there wasn’t much left in his stomach, and he ended up dry-heaving after only a short moment.

Once it had passed, he brushed his teeth intensely, trying to get rid of the taste of vomit and Ava. He got into the shower and scrubbed furiously at his skin, trying to ignore the phantom touch that plagued him. It did nothing except rub his skin raw. When that didn’t work, he leaned his head against the cool, tiled wall and squeezed his hands into fists.

His nails dug into the skin on his palms, the slight pain caused by it catching his attention. He focused on the pain, trying to ignore everything else around him.

It worked, for a little while at least, until the pain dulled and everything came rushing back.

He turned off the water silently and exited the shower, silently putting on the fresh pair of clothes. His eyes watered but he willed the tears away. He did not want to cry anymore. He did not want to feel anymore.

He climbed back into his bed, closed his eyes, and tried not to think about Ava.

He didn’t sleep.

* * *

Scorpius hadn’t been kidding when he said that he would check in on Albus between classes. About an hour after Albus got out of the shower, he came back in with a box of crackers that he’d obviously nicked from the Kitchens. Albus pretended to be asleep.

The boy left the crackers on the table by Albus’ bed, then reached over and placed a cool hand on his forehead to check for a fever. It took all of his will not to cringe away from the touch, but he managed it. He heard Scorpius hum in thought before the boy left.

Once Scorpius was gone, Albus sat up and grabbed the crackers and the glass of water that had been left on the table earlier. Quietly, he munched on them, focusing on them, trying to ignore the constant nervous thrumming underneath his skin. It didn’t do much. He only got through about four of them before he had to put them back, stomach twisting.

He closed his eyes, breathing hard. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was as if it hadn’t stopped and he was still there, strapped to that bed, unable to move. Her hands were still on him and she was-

Oh Merlin.

He brought his hand to his mouth, biting down on his knuckles. The pain was sharp and sudden, just enough to allow him to focus on that instead.

* * *

He told himself that he would talk to Scorpius the next time he came back.

He couldn’t.

He chickened out the moment he heard the door open, quickly closing his eyes again and pretending to sleep. He heard the curtains rustle as they opened, Scorpius peering in to check on him, and then a soft whisper of, “Al? You awake?”

Albus didn’t answer, staying silent and trying to even out his breathing.

It must have been convincing enough because Scorpius left shortly after, muttering to someone to let him sleep before leaving the room.

Albus felt even worse than before.

* * *

He fell asleep finally but his dreams were plagued of Ava and Scorpius. He dreamed of Scorpius walking in on him and Ava and screaming at him, calling him disgusting and worthless, and then leaving him.

He woke up with tear-streaked cheeks. He wiped at them furiously with the sleeves of his shirt in case Scorpius came back and then let out a deep breath, resolving himself to never telling Scorpius what happened.

If Scorpius left him, he didn’t know what he would do. He couldn’t handle that.

No, he would just keep this a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! Next chapter will be longer, I promise.


	5. Hide The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Albus' first day back at classes, and things don't go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains self harm, descriptions of a panic attack, and mentions of rape/non-con.

It took Albus three days to be able to go back to classes. He spent the time in bed, ignoring everyone around him and staring blankly at the ceiling. He had successfully managed to convince Scorpius that he had just been sick, which he felt bad for doing. This was the first time he had lied to his boyfriend.

“Are you sure you’re feeling better, Al?” Scorpius asked, eyebrows pinched in concern as they walked to the Great Hall to get some breakfast, “You still look a bit peaky.”

“I’m fine, Scorpius,” Albus reassured him, mustering up a weak smile that he hoped would keep him from worrying too much. He fiddled nervously with the hem of his sleeve, which was luckily long enough to hide the bruises that still lingered on his skin, “I don’t want to miss anything more than I already have.”

His boyfriend chewed on his lip, looking uncertain, “Well, if you’re sure,” he said after a long moment, “Don’t be passing out on me, though. James would kill me. He already chewed me out for not taking you to the Hospital Wing.”

The mention of James had Albus looking away, guilt gnawing at him again. A small part of him wanted to blame James for what happened, since Ava had done it to get revenge at him, but the larger, more reasonable part pushed that away. If anything, it was good that James was done with Ava if she was willing to go to such lengths just for a bit of revenge.

Panic struck him suddenly. Was Ava going to tell James? Merlin, he hoped not. He didn’t know what he would do if James hated him. Sure, they fought a lot, but they were brother, and James always had his back…. But he slept with his ex-girlfriend.

And James would undoubtedly tell Scorpius.

“Hey, Albus? You okay? You’re looking a bit pale,” Scorpius said, grabbing Albus’ arm to pull him to a stop, concern etched across his face.

Albus couldn’t stop the flinch that crossed his face as Scorpius grabbed his arm and he quickly pulled away, breath picking up as images of Ava pushing him up against the wall and tightening her grip on his arms when he tried to pull way playing in the back of his mind. He dug his nails into the palm of his hand and focused on the pain, trying to keep calm.

“Yeah,” he said, voice several pitched higher than normal, “I’m fine. Let’s just get to breakfast.”

He started walking before Scorpius could say anything else. His boyfriend followed, silent but watching him closely. Albus pretends as if he didn’t notice.

The Great Hall was loud and bubbly, filled with cheerful students who babbled about the upcoming Quidditch game. Albus made a beeline to the Slytherin table, pointedly ignoring the Ravenclaw table, where he was sure he would see Ava sitting, watching him.

The food tastes bland as he eats, and he doesn’t speak the entire time.

* * *

 

He didn’t have his wand. His eyes widened at that realization when he was halfway through Charms and the professor asked them to perform a charm. He managed a decent lie that he had left it in his room, and because he had been so sick, he was let off the hook.

He knew he hadn’t left it in his dorm. Ava still had it.

* * *

 

Returning to classes was a blessing in disguise. He had missed a lot of work and while his professors seemed to mostly be sympathetic and understanding, he had received an abundance of make-up work. At first, the work seemed to be a mountain that he didn’t have the energy to climb, but once he dove into it while sitting in the library beside Scorpius, it was a welcome distraction. He put all of his focus into it and found that he could forget about what happened for a little while.

Rose and Olivia showed up at some point while he was working, but he didn’t notice they were there until he set his now-complete Potions essay to the side and looked up, finding them quizzing each other on DADA spells. Scorpius, who Albus had thought was studying quietly, was staring at him when he looked up, and quickly looked away.

“Coming back to us, Al?” Rose smirked at him as he looked up. She sat down her DADA book, “I’ve never seen you so invested in an essay.”

He shrugged and smiled as much as he could, “I’ve got a lot of work to make up. I guess I just want to get it all done.”

She hummed in approval, nodding lightly, “Glad to see that you’re actually putting effort into your work. You’re too smart to be so lazy.”

Olivia guffawed, “You are _not_ calling him out on that. Rosie, you are the laziest person I know.”

She scoffed at her girlfriend, but there was a grin on her face, “But I make good grades, don’t I?”

“I make good grades, too,” Albus protested, which was sort of true. He did really well in certain subjects, but not so much in others.

Rose laughed lightly at his words and just grinned, “When you want to.”

He couldn’t help but grin. It was almost like nothing had happened, until he glanced over at Scorpius and his grin fell, guilt sneaking back up. How was he supposed to act normal when he had slept with someone that wasn’t his boyfriend?

_“Shh, Albie. I won’t tell Scorpius if you don’t.”_

The phantom hands were back and he shivered unconsciously. He dropped his hand below the table, out of sight, and squeezed it into a fist, focusing on the slight pain that erupted when his nails dug into his skin.

It grounded him. It kept him from panicking.

A hand touched his wrist softly and Albus jerked back so violently that he knocked his textbook off of the table, eyes snapping open with a gasp. For a moment, he was back there, strapped down to that blasted bed, and the next he was slamming back into reality, Scorpius, Olivia, and Rose staring at him in concern and confusion.

Reacting quickly, he knelt down and picked up the textbook and grabbed his back, licking his lips nervously, “I- I have to go,” he stuttered. His chest felt tight and he was having a hard time breathing, “I’ll see you later.”

He bolted out of the library, ignoring the librarian’s shout of disapproval. He careens down the hall, knowing that he needed to lose Scorpius, who would undoubtedly follow, because that’s what Scorpius did. He always wanted to make sure Albus was okay. He was caring and protective and _fuck_ , Albus didn’t deserve him.

He cheated a bit, slipping into a secret passageway that James had shown him in his second year, one that he never bothered to tell to Scorpius because the blonde never cared for them, and ended up on the second floor.

He recognized the girl’s bathroom, the one that Moaning Myrtle occupied and, therefore, was always empty. He had passed by it before but never dared entered it, having heard several stories from his parents, but he was desperate for an escape.

Slipping into the bathroom was easy. He was instantly greeted with loud sobbing coming from one of the stalls and almost panicked before realizing that it must have been Moaning Myrtle. Ignoring her for now, he stumbled to the sinks and gripped it, trying desperately to calm his breathing that was coming in quick bursts. His chest felt even tighter than before and black spots were appearing around his vision. His body felt hot and itchy and his lungs burned and then he was suddenly back there.

_The cool vial was pressed up against his lips. He couldn’t breathe. He thrashed in the binds, lungs burning, desperate for air, but finding none. He couldn’t open his mouth to breathe. If he did, he would-_

_He breathed. The liquid slid down his throat, causing him to choke, and then his body was growing warm and she was on top of him, whispering into his ear and-_

He cried out and jerked, punching forwards, needing to get her off, and his fist met glass.

The pain that erupted across his knuckled jerked him back to reality. He gasped and pulled his hand to his chest quickly, staring at the mirror in front of him. He’d broken it. It was shattered, glass falling to the floor in shards. His mouth fell open in surprise. Oh, Merlin. He was in trouble now.

“You broke the mirror.”

Albus jumped out of his skin, spinning around to face the voice, and slumped in relief when he realized that it wasn’t Scorpius, or Rose, or Ava. Instead, it was a ghost: Moaning Myrtle.

“I-I didn’t mean to,” he said quickly, holding his injured hand to his chest and cradling, “It was an accident!”

She regarded him for a long moment, as if assessing him. Any traces of her woes that she had been moaning about only a few minutes earlier had disappeared, replaced with curiosity and wonder, “You’re upset,” she said slowly, “And you’re Harry’s son, aren’t you?”

He nodded lightly and she smiled at him. It was a weird smile, etched with sadness.

“Oh, Harry was always so nice to me. Handsome, too. Him and Draco Malfoy. Do you know Draco?”

He nodded again, focusing on the pain radiating through his arm as the thought of Scorpius hit him, “He’s my boyfriend’s father.”

She seemed to deflate a bit at that, “They never come around anymore. They left Hogwarts and forgot all about me!” she ended in a wail of sorrow, curiosity leaving her as quickly as it came, “Everyone here is so mean to me now. They’re always mean, just like Olive Hornby.”

Albus did not know who Olive Hornby was, nor did he want to find out. The bewildering conversation, however, had snapped him out of… whatever that was, so he decided to humor her a bit.

“I understand. People… people can be prats,” he said quietly to her, “I bet Olive Hornby was a real jerk.”

She nodded, eyes wide, and began to ramble, “Oh, she was. She used to always make fun of me for my glasses, as if I could help it! All she did was pick on me… but I made her pay! She didn’t forget me until her dying day!”

Moaning Myrtle was moaning again and, lost in her sorrow, she drifted away from Albus and into her stall. Albus watched her silently, thankful for her to leave, but also regretful, as now he was left with the consequences of his actions.

He knelt down by the shards of glass and reached down, picking a few up. One sliced into the delicate skin of his hand and he hissed, but didn’t drop it, instead staring at the little droplets of blood. The slid down his skin slowly, dripping onto the floor. He turned his hand over, wincing slightly at the sight of his knuckles, bruised and cut from breaking the mirror. They were bleeding as well and he stared in a morbid fascination, everything else around him leaking away.

He stood there for a long time. He simply stood there, staring, unaware of anything going on around him. He wasn’t sure how long it was until he noticed that his hand had stopped bleeding. A small puddle of blood had formed underneath him and he blinked slowly, coming back to himself.

Fuck.

_Fuck._

He could fix this. He could… but he didn’t have his wand. Ava still had it and _fuck_ , he didn’t want to see her. He couldn’t. If he saw her, he would freak out again, and he didn’t know how to calm himself back down…

Unless he did.

His eyes flickered down to the broken glass and he knelt down slowly, picking one up carefully and slipping the jagged shard into his pocket.

* * *

He schooled his expression as he knocked on Ava’s door, one hand clenched behind his back, pressing down on the cuts on his knuckles. There was some shuffling from inside of the room and his heart beat furiously in his chest. He licked his lips nervously and pressed down harder on a bruise.

The door opened finally and Ava stood there, face flushed and a grin on his face. His heart fell at the sight of her, and fell even more at the sight of James on her bed, shirtless and smiling like a maniac.

“Ava, who’s at the door?” he called out to her and Albus cursed under his breath, moving off to the side so that James didn’t see him. His heart was pounding now.

Ava didn’t answer him and instead stepped outside, shutting the door, “What are you doing here?”

He couldn’t speak. He stared, mouth open, breath picking up. He pressed down hard on his injuries. His eyes darted around and he finally muttered after a long moment, “M-m-my w-wand.”

She stared at him for a moment and he stared at the floor, breath caught in his throat. Then, she sighed and reached into her robes, pulling out his wand. She handed it to him stiffly, “Here,” she said, “And don’t you dare tell James what happened. We’re back together now.”

Albus simply nodded. He grabbed the wand quickly and went to run away but Ava grabbed his arm in a vice grip. He bit his lip hard and froze, turning back to her.

“If you tell James, I tell Scorpius. Understand?” she said dangerously, though he could see that she seemed nervous.

He nodded frantically, “Y-yes. Please, just let me go.”

She did so, luckily, and he took off down the hall.

James was back with Ava. _James was back with Ava_. After what Ava had done to him, James was back with her, completely oblivious. A part of him felt so incredibly hurt that James would do such a thing, but the other, more logical part understand that James had no idea. A different part wanted to warn James, to make sure he didn’t get hurt, but another whispered that Ava wouldn’t do that to James. She loved him. Another part was terrified of what Ava would do if he told, or how James would react.

He couldn’t remember when he got back to the bathroom but he was suddenly leaning against the wall, sobbing and hyperventilating. He shakily pulled the shard of glass out of his pocket and pressed it against the skin on his forearms, which was still lightly bruised. He pressed it against his arm and paused, hand shaking, scared, but it only made it harder to breathe. Desperate, he tried to take a few deep breaths to calm himself, but it was of no use, only making it harder.

Pushing the glass into his skin on his left wrist, he slid it downwards, creating a thin cut. A gasp left his lips and he tasted his tears that slipped down his cheeks. He furrowed his eyebrows, concentrating, and brought it down again, slicing his wrist. Then again, and again.

The pain grounded him. He dropped the glass and gripped his forearm, which dripped blood, taking several deep breaths, which slowly came more and more easy until, finally, he was breathing normally.

He leaned his head back against the cool tile of the bathroom, eyes closed. His arm ached, and a part of him felt guilty at what he had done, but he squashed that down. He needed it right now. Once he could get over this, he would stop.

“You aren’t going to kill yourself, are you?” Myrtle was by him again. She sounded almost… concerned.

Albus blearily opened his eyes and offered the ghost a small, reassuring smile, “No. No, I wouldn’t do that. I just need a way to… to stay calm.”

She frowned but seemed to accept it, floating away, moaning loudly.

He licked his lips and then stood up slowly, looking down at his wrist. He had to look away quickly. It was mangled and bloody, radiating pain.

“Okay,” he whispered to himself, “Okay, you need to clean it and bandage it. Think. What were those spells that Aunt Fleur taught you?”

Ah, yes, he remembered. Fleur was a Healer and his parents had asked her to teach them basic first aid, which she happily did. She hadn’t taught him how to heal things, which was much more complicated and advanced, but she did teach him how to clean and bandage wounds. He could do this.

“Ulcus,” he whispered softly, pointing his wand at his wrist. He hissed lightly at the stinging sensation that ran up his wrist, “Vulnus Fascia.”

A tight bandage wrapped itself around his wrist. He watched it closely and hummed to himself once it was finished, regarding his bandaged arm. His right hand was still damaged, bruised, but there wasn’t much that he could do about it. A bandage would be very obvious on his hand. He could probably explain that injury away fairly easily, anyway.

His wrists, however, were not so easily explained away. He was glad that his sleeve would cover it.

He turned to the broken mirror, which would undoubtedly get him in a lot of trouble if it was found. He knew the spell to fix it, though. Or, at least, he knew one of the spells to fix it. He didn’t know the advanced on just yet, so this would take a bit of time. It just took a little puzzle work. He just had to figure out where each shard went to perform the spell.

He was going to be there for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! Poor Albus is struggling so much. Next chapter will focus more on Albus and Scorpius, as well as getting some more explanation as to how James and Ava got back together. I will clarify now that James IS completely oblivious as to what Ava did.   
> Leave a comment to let me know what you thought!


	6. Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus and Scorpius get into a fight, reconcile, and are invited to a party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Hints at rape/non-con and mentions of self harm.

He wasn’t sure how long it took him to finish fixing the mirror but by the time he was done, it was past curfew. He cleaned the blood, making sure that the bathroom was void of any clue that would suggest that he had even been there, before making his way out of the bathroom and heading towards the Dungeons.

He was calm, much calmer than he had been since _it_ happened, and his entire body felt relaxed. He didn’t think about Ava or James or Scorpius or anything. His mind was blank. It was peaceful. He didn’t hear anything or feel anything or really see anything. His feet led him to the dungeons.

A hand on his shoulder yanked him from his blissful state. He panicked, reacting violently as he turned around and shoved the offending person off of him.

Scorpius stumbled to the floor, landing on his back. Albus froze, mouth falling open as he stared, watching as Scorpius slowly pushed himself up on his elbows, “What in Merlin’s name is going on with you, Al?”

Albus couldn’t respond. He stared, mouth dry, horrified.

Gradually, Scorpius pulled himself to his feet, looking at Albus with confused and concerned gaze, tinted with a bit of hurt, “Well?”

“I-I’m sorry,” he whispered, unconsciously pulling his sleeve down on his arm, hiding the bandages from his boyfriend, “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want an apology, I want an explanation,” Scorpius said. He looked like he was getting angry now and Albus could feel himself growing angry despite himself, “You ran off earlier today and I haven’t seen you since! It’s passed curfew. Where have you been?”

He was silent. He didn’t know what to say. There was not a single excuse that came to mind.

Scorpius continued once he realized that Albus wasn’t going to say anything, “Merlin, Al. I was worried about you. I still am. Why won’t you tell me what’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on,” Albus answered, voice barely above a whisper. He could feel his panic growing again. He squeezed his hand into a fist and took a deep breath, “I’m fine, Scorpius.”

“You’re not fine. I know you,” Scorpius exclaimed, throwing his hands above his head in frustration, “You’ve barely spoken to me for several days, you’re distracted, and now you’re disappearing. Something’s wrong. I thought you trusted me to tell me these things.”

As Scorpius spoke, Albus felt something in him snap. Maybe it was out of fear of Scorpius finding out. Maybe it was annoyance that Scorpius wouldn’t let it go. Maybe it was a culmination of everything that was happening. Whatever it was, his panic morphed into fury.

“I’m fine,” Albus bit out, his voice short as he looked up and met Scorpius’ eyes, “Leave me alone. I can take care of myself, Scorpius.”

Scorpius stared at him for a long moment, eyebrows furrowed. Then, he sighed, running his hands through his blonde hair. Wearily, he spoke, “Just get back to our dorm. Don’t let anyone know that I let you go without taking points or anything. Wouldn’t want people to think I was playing favorites.”

He gave Albus a tired grin, but Albus could see right through it.

He simply nodded shortly and went on his way, heading towards the dungeons once more. The moment he had turned away from Scorpius, his anger crumbled. He wanted to turn around and apologize, to call him back and tell him everything, but he couldn’t. So, instead, he didn’t turn around and continued his journey to the dungeons, trying his hardest not to cry.

His roommates, Richard and Sebastian, were still awake when he arrived and offered their greetings, Richard calling out to ask him where he had been, but he ignored them. He climbed into his bed and pulled the curtains closed tightly around himself He didn’t bother changing or anything and simply laid down, face buried in the pillow, and focused on his breathing.

When that didn’t work, he pressed down on his cuts on his arms. He hissed a bit at the pain, but focused on it, trying to forget his fight with Scorpius, forget that Scorpius might hate him, and forget that James and Ava were back together.

It worked, somewhat. He was able to breathe easier after a few moments but his mind was still plagued with the negative thoughts, preventing sleep from taking him away.

He tossed and turned, for what felt like hours. He heard Scorpius come back into the dorm at some point, muttering “Good night” to Richard and Sebastian, and then heading to the bathroom. Moments later, he went to sleep. Not once did he say anything to Albus, whether because he was angry or because he thought that Albus was asleep.

After a while, when he was absolutely sure that all of his roommates were slumbering, Albus gave up on sleeping. He climbed out of his bed and opened his trunk, pulling out several textbooks and setting them down on his bed. He climbed back in, muttered “Lumos” and began to do his homework with the help of the light on his wand.

* * *

He did not sleep at all that night. Instead, he finished all of the work that his professors had him making up, and then read ahead in his Ancient Runes textbook. He was almost to the end of the textbook when he checked the time and noticed that it was five in the morning. Not many people would be up yet but he couldn’t get into trouble for being up himself.

He grabbed some fresh clothes and made his way into the bathroom, quickly brushing his teeth and stripping out of his dirty ones. He took off the bandages on his arms, which had blood soaking through at some parts, and banished them. He licked his lips nervously as he noticed the thin slices on his wrist, and fresh bruises towards the top of his forearm where Ava had grabbed him. Gasping at the unwanted memories that surged upon him, he pressed down on the cuts until he could calm himself down, then bandaged his arm again.

After quickly freshening himself up and putting his robes back on, carefully making sure his sleeve covered his left wrist, he left the bathroom. Normally, if he had ever woken up early, he would wait on Scorpius to wake up and they would go to the Great Hall together. He didn’t wait this time.

There were only two other people in the Great Hall when he entered. Both were Ravenclaw fourth years who were leaning over a textbook, studying together. Albus ignored them, averting his eyes from the blue and silver robes as he headed towards the Slytherin table.

He plopped himself down in the middle of the table and grabbed his plate, placing a piece of toast and a banana on it, before settling in to eat. He ate slowly, thinking.

He thought about Scorpius and what he would say to him, and pressed down on his injured arm whenever his thoughts drifted to Ava. He couldn’t tell him the truth. That much was off the table.

The Hall began to steadily gain more students and staff. Albus did his best to ignore them (though he stiffened when James and Ava entered) and focused on trying to come up with a solution.

Scorpius came into the Great Hall before Albus could come up with one. Albus glanced at him and quickly looked away, staring intently at his food, trying to hide his mounting panic. He could just imagine what Scorpius was going to tell him.

His boyfriend sat beside him but he didn’t look up, eyes glued to his plate. Scorpius was quiet for a long moment. It felt like forever, the two of them just sitting there, silent. Then, Scorpius spoke.

“I’m sorry for last night.”

Albus jerked his head up, “What?”

Scorpius looked sheepish. He squirmed a bit on the bench, “Whatever is going on, you need to tell me when you’re ready. It was wrong of me to get angry at you for not telling me. Just know that I’m here for you, okay?”

Their eyes connected and if it had been any other time, Albus would have kissed him, but the thought of doing that made him sick. Instead, he took a deep breath and grabbed Scorpius’ hand, squeezing lightly. The touch made him feel a bit uneasy at first but he relaxed and smiled at Scorpius.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you,” He said quietly, “I’m okay, though. Really, I’m fine.”

Scorpius hummed. He could tell that the boy didn’t believe that but he didn’t say anything else, instead launching into a conversation about their Ancient Runes class.

For a moment, Albus felt normal.

* * *

 

After classes, Albus and Scorpius met Rose and Olivia in the library again to study and work on homework. Neither girl mentioned Albus’ little freak out the day before, but he noticed Rose looking at him oddly when he entered.

“What do you still have to make up, Al?” Olivia asked as they sat down. She had her Astronomy textbook opened, but didn’t seem to be paying much attention to it.

Albus sat his back down, frowning a bit in thought, “Oh, nothing. I finished it all last night.”

Rose stared at him, eyebrow quirked, “Already? That must have taken you hours!”

He shrugged lightly and pulled out his Transfiguration textbook, changing the subject, “Do you guys want to study for the exam coming up?”

He noticed Scorpius frown at the change of subject but ignored it, looking at the three of them expectantly. After a short pause, they all nodded.

“Sounds like a good idea,” Olivia said as she pulled her own textbook out, “This exam looks hard and I haven’t been studying as much as I can. I’ve been too focused on the upcoming Quidditch match.”

Rose smirked a bit at Olivia, “That’s just because your father is coming to watch this game.”

Scorpius’ mouth fell open in surprise and he leaned over the table, “THE Oliver Wood is coming to watch the game? What? Why didn’t anyone tell me sooner? Merlin, I wasn’t even going to go to the game. Do you think I can get an autograph?” he turned to Albus, practically giddy with excitement, “Albus, will you come with me to get an autograph?”

The sight caused Albus to laugh. He grinned at his boyfriend, eyes bright with mirth, “What’s got you in fangirl mode? You don’t even like Quidditch!”

“No, I don’t like Hogwarts Quidditch,” Scorpius corrected, “Professional Quidditch is brilliant, though. Remember, we went to that game together last year?”

He did remember, very distinctly. Scorpius had been bouncing all over the place and cheering so loud that Albus thought he was going to go deaf. He had pointed out several of the Quidditch members to Albus, asking if he had ever met them (as Ginny was a professional player). Albus could remember being rather bewildered by this, as Scorpius normally cared nothing for the game at the castle, but figured his new boyfriend was just being influenced by the mood around them.

Apparently not.

Olivia was giggling hysterically at Scorpius’ reaction, “Merlin, I’ve seen a lot of reactions to my dad but nothing like that. Yeah, I’m sure he’ll give you an autograph, especially once he realizes that you’re Albus’ boyfriend. He thinks highly of Harry Potter.”

“That’s because dad was the best seeker Wood ever saw.”

The new voice came as a shock to Albus, who hadn’t been expecting it. He jumped, hand unconsciously flying to his wrist, “Merlin, James. Don’t scare me like that!”

James laughed heartily and pulled up a chair to their table, a goofy grin on his face. Albus tried not to think about the fact that he was with Ava again. He was having a good time. He really didn’t want that to ruin his mood.

“What are you lot doing in the library?” James asked, kicking his feet up on the table, “This place is so bloody boring.”

Rose rolled her eyes and pushed James’ feet off the table, “We’re studying, like good students.”

“Ah, I forgot you guys are nerds,” the older boy said with a playful smirk, “Anyway, I wanted to let you guys know that we’re throwing a party in the Gryffindor Common Room next Saturday. Roxanne convinced us to invite people of other houses, so you guys are all invited. Tell your friends,” he paused lightly, “But don’t tell Uncle Neville, Al. The party is a secret.”

“The Head Boy is throwing an illegal party?” Rose smirked at James, shaking her head in feigned disappointment, “How they chose you, I’ll never know.”

James rolled his eyes simply and grinned, “It’s because I’m awesome,” he responded cockily, “But it was actually Ava’s idea. She said having a party would be good to get us back into the swing of things.”

Ah, there it was: the mention of Ava. Albus pressed down on his wrist discreetly, staring down at the table and trying to ignore the conversation. He couldn’t.

“Oh, I heard you two got back together. Congratulations!” Olivia said cheerily.

He pressed harder down on his wrist.

James grinned goofily, “Yeah, it was all Dominique, really. She made me realize that I was being dumb. I mean, a fight shouldn’t decide the fate of our relationship. I mean, look at your parents, Rosie. They fight all the time and they’re completely in love. Besides, she’s the only girl I’ve ever dated. I don’t even know how to go about dating anyone else. We always make things work,” he laughed lightly, “So I went to her and apologized for being an ass. She took me back, thankfully.”

Albus wanted to stand up and shout at him, tell him how stupid he was, that Ron and Hermione’s relationship was nothing like his and Ava’s, how he should know how awful Ava was after their millionth fight over nothing, but he didn’t. Instead, he sat there silently, pressing down harder on his wrist, focusing on the pain.

His eyes flickered over to Rose, noticing her frowning lightly at James. She had never approved of Ava after the two’s first fight, Albus recalled, and that reassured him a bit.

“Well, I got to get going. Quidditch practice starts soon. I’ll see you guys at the party, right?”

Albus wanted to say no, but he didn’t. He didn’t say anything. Scorpius answered for him, smiling, “Yeah, we’ll see you there.”

James left, and Albus turned back to Scorpius, Rose, and Olivia, determined to forget about what he had just heard, “So, Transfiguration? What section does the test start from?”

(Later, that night, Albus transfigured a quill into a razor blade, and added three new cuts to his wrists while in the shower.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Here's some angst and some fluff all in one. Albus and Scorpius have now had their first fight of the story. They seemed to recover fairly easily, didn't they? I can't promise that forever.  
> The next chapter will be coming out tomorrow afternoon, probably.  
> Leave me a comment if you enjoyed!


	7. Panic Attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily gets a glimpse of what's going on with Albus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: This chapter contains panic attacks as well as mentions of self harm and rape/non-con.

Over the next few days, Albus learned how to act (mostly) normal. He would get up before the others to get ready for the day and would change his bandages. He then waited for Scorpius to get up, passing the time by reading ahead in his textbooks. Going through classes, he threw himself into his work, focusing more than he ever had before. He would study with Rose and Olivia and Scorpius after classes in the library and avoid any mention of James and Ava, and then he would eat dinner, go back to the dorm, take a shower (and cut his wrists), and then go to bed.

He didn’t sleep much. Every time he closed his eyes, he would remember. Instead, he just read the chapters in his textbook over and over and over again. He made sure he always had fresh cuts on his wrists to push down on, letting him feel a little pain any time he thought about Ava throughout the day in order to keep himself calm.

He still freaked out whenever Scorpius tried to kiss him or hug him or anything. He tried to play it off the best he could, because he and Scorpius had always been very affectionate ever since they got together, but he knew Scorpius had noticed. After all, the boy had stopped touching him as much.

Things seemed to almost be going back to normal, or as normal as Albus could force them to.

Lily just _had_ to ruin it.

It was the Thursday before the party when she ambushed him in the halls. The two were walking towards the Slytherin Common Room after Charms class, talking about the outrageous homework that had been assigned to them when they saw her barreling down the hall, brown eyes fiery and red hair a mess as she beelined towards them.

Scorpius shot him a look but Albus just raised his eyebrows at his little sister, who barely came to a stop as she reached them. She grabbed his arm (thankfully his right arm) and was immediately dragging him away from his boyfriend, shouting behind her, “Sorry, Scorpius! I need to talk to Al right now.”

He panicked as she gripped his arm, pulling him into a nearby secret passageway. His breath picked up as the passageway closed behind them, cutting off light. He could feel Ava’s hand on his forearm where Lily grabbed him, feel her breath on his face as she pinned him against the wall. The pitch blackness made it easy for everything around him to fade away, replaced by memories. He could see her in front of him, forcing herself on him despite him begging her to stop.

Snapping out of it for a moment, he suddenly yanked his arm out of her grip. She let go easily and turned to him, not noticing his panic due to the dark nature of the room, “You need to help me break James and Ava up.”

“What?” Albus asked. He grabbed his left wrist, squeezing it, using the pain from the cuts to keep him grounded. The mention of Ava sent a shiver down his spine but he would not crumble in front of Lily. He had hid this from everyone so far.

“We have to break James and Ava up,” she continued, voice determined and excited, echoing out into the dark hallway, “I already laid into Dominique for getting them back together. They’re a horrible couple. Ava is selfish and greedy and manipulative. James deserves better than her. I thought he was finally coming to his senses but apparently not! She’s going to hurt him if we don’t do something about it.”

Albus couldn’t help but agree with Lily’s words, but they were only causing his breath to quicken even more. He squeezed his wrist tighter and leaned against the wall, biting his lip hard and squeezing his eyes shut. His chest felt tight.

“Okay,” he muttered out, unable to say anything else and just desperate to keep her in the dark of his problems.

Lily continued, unaware of Albus’ distress, unable to even see him in the dark hallway, “I have a brilliant idea, but I just need your help.”

_“Come on, Albie. This is a brilliant idea. Just help me with this.”_

He gasped as the words echoed in his mind. His legs collapsed and he slid down the wall to the floor, breath coming in short bursts now. His entire body felt heavy, like lead. He clutched his chest, trying desperately to breathe. All thoughts of hiding this from his sister vanished as he focused on breathing, on not dying.

“…Albie?” Lily’s concerned voice morphed into Ava’s mocking one. He could see her above him, touching him, whispering to him.

_“Shh, Albie. Relax, Albie,” Ava’s voice whispered into his ear, “I need this. Your brother needs to understand what he did. You’ll understand later.”_

He cried out and clamped his hands over his ears, “Stop,” he muttered desperately, “Stop. Please, stop.”

It didn’t. He could feel her on him, her hands sliding down his torso until they reached his crotch. He could feel hear her moaning as he begged her to stop. He could feel his wrists and ankles tied down to the bed, restricting him from even struggling.

“Albus, you need to breathe” a voice, whom he couldn’t recognize at the moment, broke through the memory, “Breathe, Albus.”

He shook his head. He couldn’t. Why didn’t they understand that? He needed to _get away_.

Someone grabbed his arm and he jerked away violently, a sob leaving his lips, “No!”

“Hey, hey, hey,” the voice sounded a bit panicked, but like they were trying desperately to stay calm, “It’s just me. It’s just Lily, your sister. I’m not going to hurt you, Al. You’re okay.”

Lily? Why was Lily in Ava’s room?

He heard Lily murmur softly, but he couldn’t understand the words. He sobbed again and scratched at his chest, desperate for oxygen. His lungs were burning.

_Ava was holding his nose closed, preventing him from breathing. He tried hard to keep from taking a breath, desperate not to drink the potion, but it hurt. It burned. It-_

He gasped for breath. Why couldn’t he breathe?

“Albus, calm down. It’s okay. You can breathe. Just take deep breaths. Come on, breathe in.”

Why didn’t she understand that he couldn’t?

He tried, anyway, and managed a small gasp of air.

“There,” Lily said encouragingly, “Come on, breathe in again. Slowly. In.”

He followed her instructions, focusing on her. The more he focused on breathing, the less he thought of Ava, and the more the memory went away.

“Good, out now. In again. Breathe deeply. There you go.”

He managed a lungful of air this time. It relieved his lungs and he almost fell forward in relief. He listened to Lily closely, breathing slowly, in and out, in and out.

It seemed to take forever before he was breathing normally. He blinked, opening his eyes finally. Lily had cast Lumos, illuminating the dark hallway, and she was watching him closely, teary-eyed.

“How did-“ he trailed off, coughing slightly, “How did you know how to do that?”

“Hugo gets panic attacks, too,” Lily said, looking relieved, “He gets really worked up over exams. After witnessing it the first time, I went to Teddy for help and he found me a book on it.”

Albus hummed lightly at her words and bit his lip, a small frown on his face, “Panic attack?”

Lily looked perplexed for a moment before nodding, “Yeah, that’s what you just had.”

“Oh,” he said softly, “I didn’t know that was what it was.”

She looked uncertain and he noticed, full of dread, that she was staring at his wrist. He looked down quickly and cursed under his breath at the sight of it. His sleeve had ridden up slightly, revealing the bandage. He quickly pulled his sleeve down.

“What happened to your arm?” Lily asked.

“Nothing,” he responded quickly, standing up suddenly. He swayed a bit and she stood up as well, concerned, “I’m fine.”

She obviously didn’t believe him, “Albus…”

“I’m fine,” he snapped louder. He backed up, “Look, I can’t help you with them. Try asking Rose or something.”

“But-“

“I have to go.”

With that, he turned and left quickly, fleeing his little sister who had just seen him have a bloody panic attack, and then seen his wrist. How was he supposed to hide this from people if he couldn’t even hide it from a thirteen year old?

* * *

Careful not to repeat the night from a few days before, Albus sought out Scorpius, finding him in the Slytherin Common Room, talking to Sebastian. His boyfriend smiled as Albus arrived, “What did Lily want?”

Albus shrugged lightly and took a seat beside him, careful to sit far enough that Scorpius wouldn’t put his arm around him, “She wanted me to help her break James and Ava up,” he said, completely honest for once, “I said no.”

Scorpius hummed a little in thought, “I noticed her glaring at Ava the other day in the Great Hall. She doesn’t seem to like her very much.”

Albus shrugged again and tried to change the subject, not wanting to talk about the girl, “What are you guys talking about?”

“The party in the Gryffindor Common Room on Saturday,” Sebastian said, arms crossed over his chest grumpily, “I don’t want to go, but Scorpius says I should.”

Ah, Merlin. Albus had forgotten about that bloody party. He grimaced lightly and Sebastian noted, gesturing at Albus, “See! Even Albus doesn’t want to go!”

Scorpius sent Albus a look, “You don’t?”

Fuck.

“No, I do. I do,” Albus said quickly, mustering up a smile to reassure his boyfriend, not wanting him to get suspicious of anything, “I’m just pretty sure there is going to be firewhiskey there, and James can’t hold his firewhiskey. He’s going to be a mess.”

That brought a laugh out of Scorpius and he grinned, “All the more reason to go.”

Sebastian groaned, putting his head in his hands, “All the more reason _not_ to go.”

“Come on, Seb,” Scorpius whined, “This party is all anyone is talking about. You _have_ to go.”

“Relax, Scorpius. If he doesn’t want to go, he doesn’t have to,” Albus said, grinning at his boyfriend lightly, “Besides, I’ll be there. Am I not enough?”

It was the type of playful banter that the two of them had a habit of falling into. It was so normal. It almost made Albus forget that it was Ava’s party that he was talking about. It almost made him forget about everything.

Distraction. That’s what he needed. He just needed to distract himself. If he could keep himself distracted, he would be fine.

Despite that, he cringed away from Scorpius when the boy moved closer and tried to wrap an arm around him. Scorpius pulled his hand away as if burned, and a hurt look crossed over his face, but he continued as if nothing had happened.

Albus was grateful.

* * *

Things were worse at night. The quiet allowed room for more memories, and sleep taunted him with nightmares. He would read his textbooks over and over again and press down on his new cuts, trying to keep himself grounded.

That night was the worst one. The lack of sleep that had been chasing him for the past few days caught up to him and he had collapsed with exhaustion around one in the morning.

Nightmares assaulted him.

Ava’s face danced in his line of vision. He could feel her hands on him, her warmth pressing against him. He could hear her whispering in his ear.

In the dream, he was trapped, not even able to struggle at all or beg her to stop. He could just lay there as she had her way, paralyzed. He tried to move but he couldn’t even budge an inch. He couldn’t close his eyes to block it out. He couldn’t do anything.

He was stuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! The next one is going to be a doozy! Leave me a comment to let me know what you think.


	8. The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Saturday, which means it's party time! It also means it's time for Albus' struggles to increase ten-fold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: This chapter contains panic attacks, self harm, and mentions of rape/non-con.

“Albus, hurry up! Rose and Olivia want to meet up with us before the party starts!”

“I’ll be out in a second!”

Albus bit his lip hard and stared at his wrist. He had cut early today in preparation for the blasted party. The cuts were bleeding, blood dripping down his arm and onto the floor. There were only two new ones but he had gone a bit deeper than before. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the pain, tried to distract himself from the fact that he was most definitely going to see Ava at the party, with James.

Someone was banging on the door again, causing his eyes to fly open, “Come on! I’ve got to use the loo, Potter.”

That was Richard.

Albus sighed. He waved his wand cleaning the new wounds on his wrist, and then wrapped a bandage around it. Then, moving quickly, he put on his clothes, making sure that his sleeves covered the bandages, and exited the bathroom.

“There you are!” Scorpius exclaimed. He was sitting on his bed, dressed in his best dress robes with his hair styled perfectly, whereas Albus couldn’t find it in him to look good for the party and instead had grabbed some blue jeans and a dark green hoodie that would cover his arms easily. His hair, as always, was a complete mess. Despite this, Scorpius only beamed at him, “Ready to go?”

Albus nodded, even though he really wasn’t, “Yeah, let’s go. Where are we meeting Rose and Olivia?”

“They said that they would be outside the Great Hall,” Scorpius answered as he stood up from the bed, beckoning Albus to follow him, which Albus did. They set off out of their room, “They wanted to grab something to eat before the party. Rose said she didn’t trust whatever food was provided.”

“That’s probably a smart idea,” Albus said. Had he been feeling up to it, he would have done the same, but he didn’t have an appetite. He doubted that he would eat anything at the party either.

Scorpius snorted lightly and grinned at Albus, “But that’s what makes it fun.”

“When did you become a Gryffindor?” Albus joked, throwing his boyfriend a smirk and a raised eyebrow, “If James, Freddie, or Roxanne had anything to do with the food, you know it will probably make your hair turn green or bubbles to come out of your ears.”

That just made Scorpius laugh and he began walking faster. Then, suddenly, he grinned widely, shouting, “Race you!” before breaking out into a run down the hall.

Albus guffawed at his boyfriend, but he couldn’t help the grin that exploded across his face as he chased after Scorpius. Hunger and lack of sleep made him much slower than usual, but he just laughed.

Ava was far from his mind.

* * *

Scorpius was laughing, leaning up against the wall and holding his stomach, when Albus came to a stop by him and the girls, panting for air, “Wow, I am so out of shape.”

Rose and Olivia looked amused. Both were dressed in casual muggle attire, though looked much more well-dressed than Albus. Rose was dressed in a simple, purple dress, her red hair flowing down her shoulders. Olivia was dressed in ripped black jeans and a white crop top with her brown hair pulled back into a tight ponytail.

“I’m glad to see you two so chipper,” Rose said as Albus approached. She pushed her hair back behind her ear and glanced over at her girlfriend with a grin, “You boys ready to go?”

Albus nodded as he caught his breath, leaning on the wall and clutching his stomach, much in the same way as Scorpius, but more because of how dizzy he has gotten than Scorpius’ laughter, “Yeah. Yeah, just give me a minute.”

It took him a moment to come back to normal, and by then Rose, Olivia, and Scorpius have begun walking. Albus quickly caught up with them, falling into stride beside his boyfriend.

A sixth year Gryffindor that Albus doesn’t recognize was standing outside of the Gryffindor Common Room when they arrived. He didn’t speak to them as they arrived and instead, only scowled at Albus and Scorpius and then turned to the Fat Lady, muttering the password, quiet enough that none of them could hear it.

Albus felt a little bit of annoyance at that. He knew it was because the boy didn’t want other houses, particularly the Snakes, infiltrating the Lion’s Den. Still, he ignored it. He had a lot of experience dealing with people who didn’t like Slytherins.

They entered the Common Room and Albus was, for a moment, stunned. The party was definitely a big one. He was pretty sure the majority of the castle was there, crammed into the Common Room. Music was blaring and students were dancing, several of them holding cups of what could only be firewhiskey. A group of Gryffindors had taken occupancy on the couches that surrounded the fireplace and were playing a rather loud game of exploding snap. Another group of a mixture of Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors, with one or two Ravenclaws sprinkled in, were in a circle, playing some sort of game that resulted in lots of screaming. A few Slytherins had even joined some Ravenclaws in a game of Gobstones.

“Albus! Rose!”

Dominque was walking towards them, a drunken grin on her face. Her blonde hair was pulled back in French braids and she was dressed in shorts and a black tank top. She was bare foot and more than a little tipsy.

Albus had not seen his cousin since it happened, but he couldn’t help but feel a bit of nervousness around her. She was Ava’s best friend and had been partly responsible for everything that had happened, though Albus was sure it was unintentional. She had told Ava to make James jealous, and she had gotten James and Ava back together.

“Hey, Dom,” Rose greeted the girl as she approached. She looked amused, “How much have you had to drink?”

Dominique just grinned and put an arm around Rose’s shoulders, “Ah, don’t worry about me, Rosie. Just don’t tell Vic, alright? She’ll freak out.”

Rose rolled her eyes at Dominique and then said, “Alright, we need to get you some water. Olivia, honey, come help?”

Albus watched, with a slight frown, as Rose and Olivia pulled Dominique towards a table that had been set up, filled with several different types of drinks, including soda, water, and firewhiskey. Honestly, it was a wonder that they had managed to set the whole thing up without any of the professors finding out about it.

He felt Scorpius grab his hand and it was so sudden that he flinched away, pulling his hand back quickly before he could think about it. Scorpius frowned heavily at that, a hurt look crossing his face and sending guilt through Albus, and he opened his mouth to say something, before thinking better of it.

Instead, he said, “Let’s go get some firewhiskey.”

He was walking towards the table before Albus could react. He blinked in surprise, eyebrows furrowing in concern as he chased after Scorpius, “What? Albus, we can’t drink!”

“Why not?” Scorpius was already at the table, grabbing a cup and filling it with firewhiskey. He turned to Albus with a smile, “Everyone else is,” he tipped the cup back and downed the drink, before coughing hard at the unexpected taste. He spoke in a strained voice, “That was strong.”

“Yeah, because it’s _firewhiskey_ ,” Albus hissed, attempting to grab the cup out of Scorpius’ hand, “You’re a prefect! Do you know how much trouble you could get into?”

Scorpius shrugged and pulled the cup just out of Albus’ reach. Then, he tipped it back, drinking some more. He coughed again, but not as much as before, and turned back to the table to fill the cup back up, “Relax, Albie. Just loosen up a bit. We’re here to have fun, aren’t we?”

The name made him flinch and he discreetly pressed down hard on his wrist to avoid the memories that bubbled to the surface. He stared warily at his boyfriend, and then at the firewhiskey.

Then someone bumped into him. He stumbled forward slightly, breath caught in his throat, and looked up into Scorpius’ grey eyes. The boy took another sip and grinned, “See? I’m drinking and nothing is happening. It’s fine, Albie.”

He pressed harder.

Then, he nodded.

“Okay,” he whispered, voice barely audible. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and then stepped forward, grabbing a cup of his own and filling it up. The smell assaulted his senses. It was strong stuff, nothing like anything Albus had ever had before. He coughed before even taking a sip, looking up warily at Scorpius, who topped up his cup and began to walk towards where Richard was playing Gobstones.

He took another deep breath to prepare himself and then took a small sip of the drink.

He set the cup back down on the table, coughing harshly. Firewhiskey was definitely the right name for it. It burned as it went down his throat, leaving him feeling very warm.

_Warm_.

He closed his eyes hard as memories assaulted him again, remembering the bloody potion that Ava had forced down his throat.

“Albus?”

He jumped violently at the voice. It was Lily. Of course it was Lily. He turned to her quickly, noticing her concerned gaze. She, unlike most people around, had simply stayed in her robes for the party, “Hey.”

“You okay?” she asked slowly and Albus cursed inwardly. Why is it that he could hide everything from everyone but his little sister?

He nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just wasn’t expecting the firewhiskey to be so strong. Don’t think I’m going to finish this cup.”

She quirked an eyebrow at him, “Good. Don’t be like James,” she jerked her thumb back and Albus followed it, heart sinking as he spotted James and Ava. Both were very obviously drunk, heavily making out on one of the couches, giggling loudly.

He felt sick and forced himself to look away, “I won’t,” he said, leaving his cup on the table, “I’m going to find Scorpius.”

With that, he left, needing to get away from her before she found out anything.

He quickly moved away from her, making his way towards Scorpius, Richard, and the rest of the group that was playing Gobstones. Scorpius had jumped into the game and Albus could tell that the firewhiskey was already taking an effect on the boy as he beamed cheerfully at Albus, gesturing for him to come join, which he did, hesitant and wary.

“I haven’t played Gobstones in forever,” he said, trying to seem casual, “So I can’t promise that I’ll be any good.”

He tried to loosen up, but it was difficult to do so with so many people shouting and screaming, and the blaring music pounding into his ears.

* * *

 

They played several rounds. Albus found himself slightly grateful for the small little group, which were much calmer than the rest of those at the party, even though Scorpius had gotten to the point where he was giddy and babbling, leaning on Albus, who was stiff as a board from the touch, but able to keep himself fairly calm.

Then Scorpius won a round, and he cheered loudly, turning and kissing Albus in celebration.

He panicked, caught off guard. His hands came up to Scorpius’ chest, pushing him off and gasping, “No!”

The Gobstones group fell silent at this. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lily turn towards them, looking like she was about to intervene. Scorpius was staring at Albus with a crushed expression.

“Do you not like me anymore?” Scorpius asked after a moment of silence, “Is that it?”

“No,” Albus said desperately. He stood up, feeling very small, feeling as if everyone was staring at him. His heart was pounding in his chest and his lungs seemed to be growing smaller, “No, Scorpius, I do-“

“Then what’s going on?” Scorpius interrupted him, voice slurring slightly. Albus was dismayed to see tears in the blonde’s eyes.

He wanted to answer. He really did. He just couldn’t breathe now.

Lily was suddenly by his side, “Sorry, Scorpius. I need to steal Albus for the moment.”

She put one hand on his back briefly, to let him know to follow her, but didn’t touch him again. He followed her, actually relieved to have Lily knowing about his panic attacks at the moment.

He followed his sister out of the Gryffindor Common Room and to a nearby empty part of the hall.

“Albus, breathe,” Lily said softly as he leaned against the wall, clutching his chest again, watching to punch himself for letting them happen again, “Everything’s okay. You’re in the hallway with me. No one else is here.”

He listened to her carefully as she talked him through it, and found himself able to calm down a bit quicker than the other day, though it still felt like forever.

“Breathe in. Breathe out. There, just like that. Breathe in. Breathe out.”

Distantly, he realized that he was crying, but he ignored it in favor of trying to calm himself down, trying to breathe.

_Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it._

The room spun and blinked in and out of existence, but he refused to let it win. He took several slow breaths and then focused on Lily. She was here. They weren’t in Ava’s room. He was safe. He was fine.

Finally, he had calmed down enough to speak, “Thanks.”

“No problem, Al,” Lily said with a soft smile that fell quickly, “Um, Al, did Scorpius do anything to you?”

There was silence for a moment. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion before he realized what she was saying. He shook his head quickly, horrified, feeling a bit sick, “No, no, Scorpius would never do that to me. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. He just startled me. That’s all.”

“Albus…” Lily trailed off before sighing, “Look, if you ever need to talk, I’m here, okay?”

Albus nodded and pushed himself into a standing position, licking his lips lightly, “I know. Thanks, Lils.”

She gave a short nod at his words, muttered, “You’re welcome,” and then stilled, glancing down the hallway, “Is that-“

“James, stop!” Rose’s voice could be heard down the hall. Albus stood up straighter, looking down the hall. He could see James running towards them. He was crying and looked angry. Rose was following him, frantic, “James!”

“What the-“ Albus barely got anything out before James barreled into him.

All the air left his chest as he was slammed roughly into the wall by James. He hissed in surprise, pain blossoming across his back, stunned for a moment, before he pushed James off of him, “What’s your problem, James?”

“You slept with her!”

Everything froze. He stared at James, mouthing falling open in horror, “What?”

“You slept with her! You slept with Ava!” James shouted. He pushed him again, “You fucking slept with her!”

“James-“

A fist flew and caught Albus in the face. Pain blossomed on his nose and he brought his hand to his face, feeling blood.

“James, stop!” Rose had made it to them. She grabbed James, pulling him away from Albus, “This doesn’t solve anything!”

James broke down, a sob leaving his lips. He wrenched himself out of Rose’s arms and glared tearfully at Albus, who could only stare in absolute horror, hand held to his nose. Nothing made any sense. He couldn’t think.

“Fuck you, Albus,” James hissed, “You’re my brother. What were you thinking? And Scorpius!”

“Scorpius,” Albus gasped out, finally finding his words, “Does he-“

Rose nodded, looking conflicted, “He knows. Ava said it in front of everyone.”

No. _No_.

He looked up. Lily was staring at Albus with wide eyes. He could see that she had figured something out, but he couldn’t find it in himself to worry about that right now.

“Where is he?” he asked, panicked, “Where’s Scorpius?”

“He ran off,” Rose answered quietly, “I don’t know where he went.”

Albus didn’t bother asking anything else. Instead, he took off at a run, ignoring his bloody nose, desperate to find Scorpius. He had to let him know that he hadn’t cheated on him on purpose, that he never would have done it willingly. He needed to be sure that Scorpius didn’t hate him.

He knew where he would be. There was only one place that Scorpius went to when he was upset and wanted to be alone.

He made it to the Observatory in record time. Scorpius was there, as he expected. He was sitting, leaning against the wall and staring out at the skyline. He looked up when Albus entered and stiffened, standing suddenly and staring at the ground. Albus could see tear streaks on his face.

“Scorpius. I-“

“Did you cheat on me?” Scorpius asked, voice fragile. He choked on a breath, “Did you sleep with her?”

Albus was quiet for a moment. A tear of his own slipped down his cheek, “Scorpius, no, I-“

“You didn’t sleep with her?” Scorpius looked up, eyes hard and angry. He hesitated lightly at the sight of Albus’ bloody face but his eyes hardened.

He wilted, pulling away from Scorpius slightly. Then, voice thick with tears and pain, he whispered, “I did, but-“

Scorpius didn’t let him continue. He was upset and angry and drunk. Albus didn’t blame him, but it hurt. It hurt badly.

“That’s why you don’t want to kiss me anymore, isn’t it? You don’t like me. You like _Ava_ ,” he spat out her name in disgust. Fresh tears had begun slipping down his cheek now and he gasped, a sob leaving his lips, “I _loved_ you, Albus. I thought you loved me too.”

The past tense felt like a stab in the chest. Scorpius was blurry now, Albus’ vision blurred with tears. He shook his head furiously, “Scorpius, no. I love you. I do. I love you so much. You don’t understand.”

He took a step forward, needing Scorpius to understand, but his boyfriend stepped backwards.

“No. No, you don’t get to say that,” Scorpius hissed out angrily. He took a deep breath, calming himself down, and then looked him straight in the eye. It was like Albus was looking into a storm, “We’re over, Albus Potter.”

With that, he spun around and left Albus standing there, in the middle of the observatory, alone. Albus watched him leave, wanting to call him back, to beg him to understand that it wasn’t his fault, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t say anything. His entire world had just fallen apart around him.

He collapsed onto his knees and buried his face in his hand, weeping silently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, I feel like this one was the worst chapter yet. Things just went from bad to worse for Albus. The next chapter is going to be pretty hard for him as well but I promise that things will start to get better!   
> Next chapter will also introduce new points of view! Albus only has a small scene, actually. It's mostly going to focus on Lily and Scorpius.  
> Hope you guys enjoyed! Leave a comment and let me know what you think!


	9. Rock Bottom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily is smart. She's figured out what happened, and she isn't going to stand around while Ava walks free. Meanwhile, Albus hits rock bottom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: This chapter contains mentions of rape/non-con, as well as a fairly graphic scene at the end of self harm. The scene implies that Albus tried to kill himself. He didn't, but went too far on accident. More will be explained later. Stop reading when Scorpius and Rose reach the bathroom if that triggers you.

Lily Luna Potter lived up to her namesake. She was smart and independent, never afraid to hex anyone who messed with her or someone that she cared about. She was fiercely protective and extremely observant.

When Albus had his panic attack in front of her, she’d suspected that someone had hurt him, but she didn’t want to set him off again. When he had freaked out when Scorpius had touched him, she was worried that Scorpius had hurt him, and ready to hex the snot out of the boy. When James had punched Albus in the face, yelling that he and Ava had slept together, she had thought that Ava must have lied. When Albus didn’t deny it, and only asked where Scorpius was, she knew.

She knew that Albus would never sleep with anyone but Scorpius. She had never seen someone so in love. He never would have slept with Ava willingly.

Ava fucking Myers was the reason why her brother was having panic attacks and unable to even touch people.

The moment Albus had left, she had screamed at James, but the drunk boy did not seem to understand what she was saying, only sobbing. Rose had paled dramatically at her words, understanding immediately and muttering something about Albus freaking out during their study session.

While Rose had taken James back to the Gryffindor Common Room to sober him up, Lily had decided to find Ava and hex her into oblivion. This had turned out to be much more difficult than she thought. Ava had left the party already and when she tried to go to the Ravenclaw Common Room, she was restricted from entering.

She tried to go to the Slytherin Common Room after that and talk to Albus, but she couldn’t get into that one either.

Instead, she had headed back to the Gryffindor Common Room, resigning herself to acting in the morning.

* * *

Albus did not go back to the Slytherin Common Room that night. He stayed in the Observatory for several hours, staring blankly at the wall, before realizing that if he stayed there, a prefect would undoubtedly find him and take points. So, instead, he made his way down to the second story girl’s bathroom again, where Moaning Myrtle resided. Moaning Myrtle tried to speak to him, but he snapped at her, causing her to cry very loudly and dive into a stall. She didn’t bother him again. He leaned against the wall silently and, eventually, fell asleep.

Nightmares plagued him, a mixture of Ava, James, and Scorpius. He woke up covered in sweat, cheeks wet, dried blood across his face. Scorpius’ face was printed across his mind.

_“We’re over, Albus Potter.”_

He was glad that it was Sunday, which meant that he did not have to go to class, because he would have skipped if he had. There was no way he could focus on class at the moment.

Instead, he slowly pushed himself onto his feet, feeling shaky and sick. He stumbled towards the sink and looked into the mirror, cringing back at the sight. He looked awful. The blood on his face had dried, crusting on his skin, and his eyes were red from crying. His hair was messier than usual, sticking up at every angle. His green hoodie was soaked with sweat and stained with blood.

Hand shaking, he brandished his wand and cast a quick cleaning charm on his face, vanishing the dried blood, then did the same with his hoodie, but he didn’t bother to do anything else as he left the bathroom.

It was still early morning, he realized, as no one was in the halls yet. He headed towards the Slytherin Common Room, hoping that his roommates, especially Scorpius, would all still be asleep when he entered. He just needed his bag. He needed his razor.

The Common Room was empty, luckily, and when he entered his dorm, Scorpius, Sebastian, and Richard were all asleep. A part of him yearned to wake Scorpius up, to beg him to listen to him as he apologized and explained, but he didn’t dare. Instead, he made his way to his bed as silently as he could, opening his trunk to get his bag.

Curtains ruffled. Albus froze, eyes glancing over to a nearby bed as he saw Richard peak out. The boy yawned, saw Albus, and glared at him.

“You really hurt Scorpius, Potter,” he said bitterly, “You shouldn’t be here.”

Albus bit his lip hard, “I know. I’m just getting my stuff,” he said as grabbed his bag, standing up, “I’m leaving now.”

“Good,” Richard scolded, “That was really messed up. Scorpius loved you.”

He was quiet for a moment. Everything hurt. He blinked back tears, “I know.”

Scorpius’ curtains on his bed ruffled but Albus rushed out of the room before he could see his face.

* * *

The next morning, Lily waited outside of the Great Hall. She had completely ignored Freddie and Roxanne’s attempts to get her to check on a very hungover and depressed James, as well as Rose’s inquires as to where she was going. She walked to the Great Hall and stood outside, waiting…

Ava had to come by at some point. Lily knew the girl never skipped breakfast.

Several students passed by, a few jeering at her due to hearing about her brothers’ drama, others apologizing for her having to deal with it, but she just ignored all of it. She didn’t care what others were saying. All she cared about was making Ava regret ever hurting her brother.

There was only one person, other than Ava, that she approached while waiting. That was Scorpius Malfoy.

He came walking down the hallway with Richard and Sebastian, looking like an absolute wreck. There were bags under his eyes, which were red from crying, and his normally perfect robes were haphazardly put on, tie not even tied.

“Where’s Albus?” she asked as the three Slytherin’s approached, “How’s he holding up?”

 Richard glared at the question, “Why should we know?”

She blinked at the response, surprised, “Well, he’s your classmate,” she looked at Scorpius, “and your boyfriend.”

Scorpius didn’t speak, just blinked back tears. Richard spoke for him, “Ex-boyfriend. Potter didn’t come back to the dorms last night. He was there briefly this morning but he left. Why don’t you ask _Ava_ where he is?”

Lily narrowed her eyes at the boy and took a step forward, drawing her wand, “Give me one reason why I should hex you right now,” she said dangerously, “Do you really think that Albus is type of guy to cheat? He won’t even cheat on his homework!”

“He admitted it,” Scorpius croaked out, finally speaking, “I asked him if he slept with her, and he said that he did.”

Lily whirled on him, “Well, did he say it was willingly?” she demanded, furious, “He’s been having panic attacks since at least Thursday, and suddenly hates to be touched. You think that happened because he just cheated on you?”

Scorpius stared, as if he couldn’t understand what she was saying, but she saw something flicker in his eyes.

And then she saw Ava.

The girl was walking alone quietly, heading to the Great Hall, and Lily saw red.

She pushed Scorpius, Richard, and Sebastian out of the way and lunged towards the girl, wand already drawn and ready.

“Avis,” she cried, and a dozen little birds burst through her wand. She nodded her head lightly and the birds flew to Ava, pecking her in the head and attacking her. Ava screamed, stopping in the hall to bat them away, crying out as they kept attacking her.

Lily waved her wand again and Ava’s hands flew to her nose as bats began to fly from it. Lily went to cast another hex when Ava reacted, drawing her own wand and shouting, “Expelliarmus!”

The spell slammed into Lily’s chest, her wand flying from her hand and knocking her backwards hard into the wall. Once her wand left her hand, the birds disappeared, and Ava cast the spell to reverse the effects of the Bat-Bogey hex as Lily stood up, just barely finishing before Lily launched herself at the older girl and punched her square in the face.

A large group had surrounded them now. Lily had managed to knock Ava on the ground and punch her twice before the girl, older and armed, got the upper hand and knocked her off, casting a silent spell that Lily just managed to dive away from in time. Another spell came her way and met its target, slamming into Lily’s chest and causing her to fly into the air, hitting the wall hard.

She groaned as she hit the floor. Everything was spinning and her ears were ringing. As she recovered slowly, however, she heard a new voice shouting.

“What in Merlin’s name do you two think you are doing?” it was Neville. He was dressed in his professor’s robes and looked furious. Lily dimly remembered that the older man had absolutely no idea what had transpired the night before, “Lily Potter, Ava Myers. My office. Now!”

Lily pushed herself into a sitting position, glaring at Ava heatedly, but followed her Uncle Neville. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Scorpius staring, wide-eyed and horrified. She knew that he had come to the same realization that she had. She locked eyes with him, hoping that he understood.

If he didn’t find Albus by the time she got done talking to Neville, she was going to kill him.

The walk to Neville’s officer was agonizing. Ava walked beside her, looking pale, and it took all of Lily’s willpower not to leap on her and strangle her then and there. Neville walked in front of them, oblivious and angry, and part of Lily wanted to be mad at him as well, for failing Albus, just like everyone else had.

They reached his office and Neville led them inside, gesturing to the chairs in front of his desk, “Sit.”

They both sat.

“Care to explain why the two of you were dueling in the middle of the halls?” Neville asked quietly, raising an eyebrow at the two of them.

Lily glared at Ava, mentally daring her to say anything against her or Albus or anyone else, but Ava said nothing, simply staring at her lap.

“Can I assume that this has something to do with you and James?” Neville asked Ava. He crossed his arms across his chest, “Did you two have a fight again?”

Ava shrugged, “You can say that.”

“No. For once, it has nothing to do with James. Well, in a way it does, but this has to do with Albus,” Lily responded angrily, glaring at Ava as if she wanted to make her burn with just a look, “She hurt Albus. She raped him!”

Lily expected Ava to cry out and protest this, to claim that Lily was lying or wrong, but she didn’t. Instead, she just sat there, staring at her hands.

Neville sucked in a breath at Lily’s words, “Lily, that’s a very strong accusation to make-“

“She raped him!” Lily cried out, standing up suddenly in distress, “He’s been having panic attacks for like, a week, and won’t let anyone touch him and then she told everyone that they slept together and Scorpius broke up with him and I don’t even know where he is right now!”

Neville looked grim as Lily spoke. His eyes were dark. He took a slow, deep, calming breath, and said, “Miss Myers. Is this-“

Ava let out a sob now, wrapping her arms around her stomach, “I’m s-s-so sorry! I was just so angry at James and I wanted to get revenge and Dominique said that I needed to make him jealous and I didn’t think that he would fight me as much as he did. I didn’t think it would hurt him so much. I was just so angry. I didn’t know what to do. Professor Longbottom, you have to believe me. I never meant to hurt him. I-I-I even gave him a potion so that he would enjoy it!”

Lily knew what she was trying to do. She was trying to get sympathy. It wasn’t going to work. Lily only grew angrier at her words, throwing herself at the girl to land a punch on her face, but Neville caught her with a spell, forcing her to stop.

“Lily, sit down. That will solve nothing,” she could tell that he was angry and, nodding, she sat back down stiffly on the chair.

Ava was sobbing now, loud, gross cries leaving her lips, “Please, Professor. I’m so sorry! I was just so angry!”

“Miss Myers, I’d recommend not speaking right now,” Neville said, voice tight with barely-constrained self-control, “Lily, can you contact the aurors? Tell them that it’s urgent,” Ava had begun wailing now with terror, “Tell your father not to come. He can’t be involved in this case. He’s too close.”

“Thank you. Thank you,” Ava said frantically, and Lily wished for nothing more than to see her father and Ava stuck in a room when her father found out. She nodded, though, and quickly ran to Neville’s floo.

She firecalled the Auror Department and was greeted by a secretary that Lily recognized vaguely, “Hello, what’s your emergency?”

Lily quickly remembered the woman’s name, “We need some aurors at Hogwarts, Mrs. Thompson. My dad can’t come, though. Tell them to come to Neville Longbottom’s office.”

Mrs. Thompson looked up in surprise at Lily’s voice, “Oh, Lily, is everything okay.”

Lily bit her lip, “Just send the aurors, ma’am.”

* * *

Shortly after Lily and Ava left with Professor Longbottom, Scorpius snapped into action, horror and regret flooding through his body. He pushed past the large group of students that had packed together to watch the fight and took off down the hallway, ignoring Richard and Sebastian calling him back.

What had he done?

_What had he done?_

He could remember hearing Lily and James shouting at each other the night before. Ava was mad because James didn’t want to have sex with her at the moment was making it rather known to all of those around her. When she had shoved him, shouting that if he didn’t have sex with her, then she would just go “fuck Albus again”, Scorpius had been distraught. He thought that it made sense. Albus didn’t want to kiss or anything anymore because he didn’t like him. He liked Ava.

What Lily had said made sense and he cursed himself for not realizing it sooner. About a week ago, Ava had asked Albus to talk, and then Albus had been sick for about three days, but he had never had a fever. Scorpius just brushed that over, thinking he just had the stomach flu or something. He panicked when Scorpius touched him, especially if he kissed him, and-

Panic attacks. Lily said Albus had been having panic attacks. That explained why he had run from the library that one day and disappeared, and it explained why he got so angry at Scorpius that one time.

He should have realized that Albus never would have cheated on him willingly.

He’d broken up with Albus when Albus needed him most.

He practically flew into the Gryffindor’s Fat Lady. He cursed, remembering that he didn’t know the password, and started to knock loudly on the portrait, causing the Fat Lady to scream in indignation.

The porthole opened and Rose was standing there, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and, suddenly, worry.

“Scorpius,” she said, “Hey, have you spoken to Al-“

“No, I haven’t, and I need your help finding him,” Scorpius interrupted her quickly, “Does James still have the Marauder’s Map?”

Rose blinked at him in surprise for a short moment before saying, “Follow me.”

He followed her up to James’ dorm. The older boy was passed out on his bed and Scorpius paid him no mind. He would talk to him later, after he found Albus.

Rose opened up James’ trunk and found the map laying on top. She quickly pulled it out, muttering, “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”

Scorpius had only seen the map in action a handful of times, usually when he and Albus ran into James in the hall trying to set up a prank, but it amazed him every time. His eyes scanned across it as the names of students appeared.

The majority of the names were located in the Great Hall, where they were so close together that they overlapped, but Scorpius was fairly certain that Albus would not be there. He also wasn’t anywhere in the Slytherin Common Room, or in the Observatory where Scorpius had left him, or in the Kitchens, or-

“Here!” Rose pointed suddenly to the girl’s bathroom on the second floor, “There he is!”

“What’s he doing there?” Scorpius blinked in confusion, but he stood up quickly and started heading towards the door.

Rose fell into step behind him, “That’s Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom. No one uses it. He probably went there to be alone.”

Scorpius hummed. It hurt to think about Albus spending the night there, all alone. He didn’t know how he was going to make it up to the boy.

He set off towards the bathroom at a steady pace, not even speaking to Rose as he focused on getting to Albus, on making sure that he was okay and apologizing.

He hesitated when he reached the door, though. Looking his lips warily, he glanced at Rose, suddenly unsure.

“What if he hates me?” he whispered softly, “What if I make things worse?”

Rose shook her head and reached over, squeezing his shoulder gently, “He could never hate you, Scorpius.”

Scorpius doubted that. Rose hadn’t been there the night before. Still, he nodded and took a deep breath, slowly opening the door to the bathroom…

Only to let out a horrified shout.

“Merlin! Rose, get help!” he screamed, rushing inside of the room and towards the limp figure on the floor. He skid to his knees beside Albus, trousers becoming stained as he fell into the puddle of blood. The boy was pale and unconscious. His sleeve on his left hand had been rolled him and blood was oozing out of several deep cuts. There was so much blood. He could hear Rose shouting for help as he reached out, pressing a shaking hand to Albus’ neck, sighing in relief as he felt an erratic pulse.

“Fuck, Albus,” he whispered. He pulled his robes off and sat down in the puddle, pressing them against Albus’ bleeding arm, trying to stop the bleeding. He pulled the boy’s head into his lap and cried, “Come on, Al. Please be okay. Please be okay.”

Tears streamed down his face, landing on Albus’ pale, unresponsive skin. He rocked lightly, pressing down harder on Albus’ arm. He stared at his face, taking in the dark circles under his eyes and the tear stains and the blank expression.

“Come on, Albie. Stay with me, please. I’m so sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this one! Finally, people are figuring out what happened, and things have nowhere to go but up! Of course, it's not going to be an easy recovery, but now Albus can actually recover.  
> Like I said in the warning, Albus did not try to kill himself but that's what it looks like to Scorpius and Rose. More will be explained in the next chapter but he went too deep and accidentally hit an artery while cutting.   
> Next chapter will take a little longer to get out because I'll be going out with some friends tonight and won't have time to write, but it should be out at some point tomorrow!  
> Thanks for reading! Leave a comment and let me know what you think!


	10. A Step Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus wakes up in the Hospital Wing, and has a few much-needed conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: This chapter contains references of rape/non-con, self harm, attempted suicide, and panic attacks.

Albus felt warm, but pleasantly warm, and relaxed. He realized, dimly, that he was laying down in a soft, comfortable bed, and someone was holding his hand. For once, that did not make him panic. In fact, he felt very calm at the moment, almost as if he was floating. The pain that Albus had grown so used to being in his arm over the past few days was nonexistent.

He opened his eyes blearily and found himself looking at his mother, who was asleep in the chair next to the bed, one hand outstretched to hold his. She looked as if she had been crying. He wondered why.

Turning his head, he found his father sitting in a chair on the other side of his bed. He was awake and he looked up at Albus when he moved, leaning closer, “Hey, Al. How do you feel?”

Albus hummed briefly in thought before answering, with a loopy grin, “Floaty.”

Harry gave a sort of watery laugh at Albus’ words, “Yeah, Madame Stafford gave you a calming drought so that you would have a more restful sleep, and it probably hasn’t gone away completely yet.”

Madame Stafford. That meant he was in the Hospital Wing. He glanced around briefly. No one else was in the Hospital Wing, thankfully. Madame Stafford was even in her office.

“Mm,” Albus responded. He closed his eyes, feeling weightless, and then looked up at his father, “What happened?”

Harry was silent for a moment, frowning in thought as he looked at Albus, “I was hoping that you could tell me,” he answered finally, “What do you remember?”

He closed his eyes again, thinking. Truthfully, he couldn’t remember much. Everything was a big blur and something told him that he probably didn’t want to remember. Still, he strained his memory, trying to recall what had landed him in the Hospital Wing.

_“What’s a better way to make him jealous than sleeping with his brother?”_

His eyes snapped open, a gasp escaping his lips, “Ava.”

Harry quickly reached forward to grab Albus’ hand and then pulled away, as if thinking better of it, “Hey, it’s okay. She’s not here. She’s in Auror custody.”

“W-what?”

Memories were rushing back and he whimpered lightly, confused and disoriented.

“She confessed,” Harry continued, voice soft and soothing, “Lily figured it out and confronted her and she confessed. She can’t hurt you again.”

His eyes flickered around the room, trying to take that information in. He noticed that Ginny was beginning to wake up from the voices, blinking blearily, and he turned back to his father with dread, “Who all knows?”

“Not many. We’re trying to keep this under the rug because you’re a minor,” Harry said, “Your mum and I know, and so do James and Lily. Neville and the Headmistress know as well. Scorpius and Rose do, too. They’re the ones who… found you.”

Found him?

Oh.

He glanced down at his arm. It wasn’t bandaged. The cuts that he had inflicted on himself over the past few days were completely healed, leaving smooth, healthy skin. He could remember sitting in that bathroom, cutting his wrists, chest heaving with sobs. He hadn’t been paying much attention to the cuts themselves, instead focusing on the pain that they brought, but he quickly realized when one cup began to bleed much more than the others.

He had gone too deep and cut an artery. He couldn’t find it in himself to get up and get help, too ashamed, and had just hoped the bleeding would stop.

It hadn’t, and he had passed out before too long.

Albus bit his lip hard, looking down, “He hates me, doesn’t he?”

“Well, if sitting outside the Hospital Wing for the past ten hours, begging to be let in to see you is hating you, then sure.”

Ginny had woken up now in time to hear this exchange. She hummed lightly and squeezed his hand. Maybe it was the calming drought, or maybe it was the fact that she was his mum, but the touch didn’t make him feel anything but safe, “He doesn’t hate you, baby. He’s been worried sick. Poor thing kept asking to see you, but you know Madame Stafford. She’s very finicky about letting people in to see sick patients.”

“’m not sick,” Albus mumbled, pushing himself up slowly in the bed. He frowned heavily and stared at his wrist, mourning the loss of his cuts but unwilling to admit it in front of his parents.

“Albus,” Ginny said after a moment of silence between the three of them. He looked up, seeing tears in her eyes. He swallowed back the guilt, “Do you want to talk about why you…. Why you…”

Albus knew what she was talking about. He chewed on his lips, an innocent gesture that he tried to use to get a little bit of pain from, anything that would make this easier. It didn’t work. The calming drought, that had eased away just enough to make him feel the very beginnings of panic, was holding it back.

“I didn’t mean to,” he admitted after a moment, quietly, looking down at his hands so he didn’t see his parent’s reaction. A part of him wanted to cry, but the calming drought wouldn’t let him, “I just wanted to distract myself from… from everything. I didn’t mean to c-cut that deep.”

It was the first time even admitting that he was cutting. It was hard. He knew that if he didn’t have the calming potion, there would be no way he would even be able to say it.

There was a beat of silence. He couldn’t find it in himself to look up. His chest felt tight, but not tight enough for him not to be able to breathe, so he tried to pretend like it wasn’t there.

“Al,” Harry whispered finally, “I can’t begin to imagine what you have been going through. I went through a different type of struggles in school. However, I can promise you that there are better ways to cope than this. This is… this is dangerous. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you, Albus.”

The calming drought wasn’t strong enough to stop the tears this time. A few slipped out of his eyes, “I’m sorry.”

He really was. His father had lost so many people in his life and Albus had seen him on the anniversary of their deaths. Harry cared deeply about his children. Albus could never think of putting him or his mother through that.

Harry sighed and then continued, “Headmistress Bolton thinks it best that you come home for about a week to recover. Since Ava was arrested, people are going to be talking about it for a while and she thinks that it’s best for you to avoid the aftermath of that.”

Albus closed his eyes slowly. Dimly, he was aware that his disappearance right when Ava was arrested would sound suspicious, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. The thought of having to attend classes after everything that had happened, surrounded by people who knew that he and Ava had slept together, was overwhelming.

He nodded after a moment, “That sounds like a good idea.”

Harry nodded quickly and gave Albus a light, reassuring smile, “The story is going to be that you’ve come down with Dragon Pox. Scorpius has already agreed to tell everyone that Ava was lying. We’re going to do our best to keep this under wraps.”

Albus simply nodded. He kept staring at his lips, biting his lip hard. Then, quietly he whispered, “I want to see Scorpius.”

Harry and Ginny were both silent again and Albus really wished they wouldn’t be. He was getting tired of all of these awkward silences. This wasn’t a situation that he ever thought he would be in.

“Are you sure?” Ginny asked softly.

He looked up, connecting his eyes were his mother’s eyes, and nodded, “Yes, I want to see him.”

“Okay,” Ginny nodded shortly. She stood up and gestured for Harry to come with her. He looked a little more reluctant but eventually he nodded, following her out of the Hospital Wing.

He could hear soft words from outside of the Hospital Wing once they left and he strained his ears to try and hear what they were saying.

“He wants to see you, Scorpius,” that was his father.

Scorpius’ hesitant voice spoke up. It was quieter, most unsure, but Albus still heard him, “Really?”

There wasn’t an answer but Albus had a feeling that the man nodded. Then, before Scorpius walked in, Albus heard the distinct voice of his sister, “You better tell him that I’m coming in next.”

That made him smile a bit but it quickly fell as nervousness overwhelmed him. He looked up, seeing Scorpius walking in. The boy had obviously been crying, and Merlin, Albus was tired of everyone crying. Why did he have to hurt everyone around him?

“Hey,” he said softly, nervously, as Scorpius approached.

The blonde took a seat next to his bed. He didn’t greet him, instead launching into an apology, “I’m so sorry, Albus. I never should have thought that you would cheat on me. I never should have gotten drunk or left you in the Observatory or-“

Albus interrupted him quickly, “It’s okay, Scorpius.”

“It’s not okay!” Scorpius shook his head, fresh tears springing to his eyes, “You tried to… you tried to… I thought I lost you, Albus! And the last thing that I would have told you was that we were over because I was stupid and a horrible boyfriend and I understand if you hate me because-“

“Scorpius!” Albus said a bit louder. He reached over and grabbed Scorpius’ hand, “I could never hate you. It’s my fault. I should have told you what happened. You didn’t know. It’s not your fault. I was just scared that you would… think I was disgusting.”

The blonde shook his head desperately. He squeezed Albus’ hand and looked firmly in Albus eyes, “I would never think that. None of this was your fault, okay? Lily told me what _she_ said. Nothing that happened to you was your fault. I wish you had told me but I don’t blame you for that, but you have to promise me that you won’t try to… do that again.”

Albus knew what he was talking about. He swallowed thickly, “I didn’t mean to cut that deep.”

“You shouldn’t have been cutting at all, Albie.”

The words were said quietly, so broken and sorrowful, but Albus could only cringe at the words. His heart sped up slightly. He felt on the verge of a panic attack, but the calming potion that was still rushing through his veins prevented him from going over. He whispered quietly, “Can you… can you not call me that?”

“What?”

“She called me that,” he responded shamefully, and it was the first time he had even brought what happened up at all. His stomach squirmed with anxiousness, “and I-“

“I won’t call you that,” Scorpius answered quickly, looking a bit horrified at that. Then, sincerely, he asked, “Is there anything else I need to know about?”

Relieved that Scorpius wasn’t going to call him stupid for that little request, he continued hesitantly, knowing that the next one was going to be harder, “I-I can’t do touching right now. At least not… not when I’m not expecting it.”

Scorpius only nodded quietly. He went to pull his hand away but Albus squeezed harder, “This is okay.”

The blonde smiled at him softly. He moved closer to Albus but didn’t touch him in any other way, “I’m so sorry, Albus.”

“I already told you. Don’t be,” Albus responded. He leaned back on the bed, feeling tired, “Are we still…”

“Only if you want to be,” Scorpius said softly. He licked his lips nervously and looked away, “I do still love you, Albus. I lied the other day. I never stopped, not even when I thought you cheated on me. I don’t want to lose you, but if you can’t be with me after what I did, I understand. I know that I-“

“Shut up, doofus,” Albus grinned at his boyfriend, “I love you. I don’t want to break up.”

Scorpius sighed in relief and he smiled widely. Albus couldn’t help but match the expression. For the first time since it happened, he felt a load lift off of his shoulders. Scorpius knew and he still loved him. He still loved him.

“What time is it?” he asked after a moment of basking in the relief.

Scorpius cast a quick Tempus charm which showed the time, “7:32.”

Almost as if hearing him, Scorpius’ stomach growled.

“Have you eaten dinner yet?”

Scorpius shook his head, looking perplexed, “Of course not. I’ve been sitting outside the Hospital Wing with Lily and Rose since you were brought in. Rose left a little while ago to eat with Olivia, but I wasn’t about to leave.”

Albus quirked an eyebrow at him, “Go eat, Scorpius. I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?” Scorpius said, concerned, “I mean, I’m not that hungry. I can stay.”

Albus waved his hand, “Go, I’ll be fine. I heard Lily outside, anyway. Send her in.”

Still looking a bit unsure, Scorpius squeezed Albus’ hand again and stood up, “I’ll be back soon,” he promised, before walking to the door.

There was a short pause between Scorpius leaving and his sister coming in, and Albus used that moment to think, mentally preparing himself.

Then, they were coming in. Lily ran towards the bed and didn’t even bother to sit down.

“Did you and Scorpius make up?” Lily asked, wasting no time in demanding her answer.

Albus nodded at his sister, “Yeah, we did.”

Lily nodded shortly, “Good,” she said, “I’m really glad that you’re okay. Mum told me that you’re going home for a week. If you have another panic attack, you get their help, okay?”

He nodded again, “I will,” he promised, and then, softer, he said, “Thanks for… what you did.”

“No problem. I’d do anything for you,” she said honestly, before grinning, “Besides, watching Headmistress Bolton snap her wand made my entire year.”

His eyes widened at that information, “She snapped her wand?”

Lily nodded excitedly, “She’s been expelled, and I’m pretty sure she is going to go to Azkaban. She’s 18, after all. She can be tried as an adult.”

A part of Albus felt like he should feel guilty for that. After all, for three years, Albus had been fairly close to Ava, who had been on again off again with his brother, but he couldn’t find it in himself to feel anything but relief.

He frowned lightly as he remembered James, “Is James…”

He trailed off, unable to finish it.

Lily’s smile fell at his words. She huffed gently, crossing her arms over her chest, “He’s being a jerk,” she answered finally, after a moment, “He’ll come around, though.”

He hummed lightly in answer, unable to come up with any words. He closed his eyes and leaned against his pillow, “Mind if I sleep a bit?”

“No, go to sleep. Mum said that the diagnostic scan showed that you haven’t been sleeping,” her voice leaked of disapproval, “I’ll be right here.”

Albus nodded lightly. He tried not to think of James and how much his brother probably hated him. Instead, he thought of Scorpius. For the first time, thoughts of Scorpius didn’t make him feel uneasy or nervous or guilty. Instead, he was filled with peace, just like he used to be.

He fell asleep within minutes, Scorpius on his mind and Lily sitting nearby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this one! Things are finally starting to look up for Albus! There might not be another chapter today because I've gotten behind, but there will definitely be one tomorrow! Leave a comment letting me know what you thought!


End file.
